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    Evolution Of A Woman

    by Montana Rose




    Chapter 18

    They laid that way for a while, talking, then lightly dozing, then finally falling asleep. Liz slept fitfully, not being used to sleeping with someone. Once she woke up, and it was fully dark. She looked up at the ceiling, through the skylight, and spied the stars in the night sky. She lifted her head a little above Oded’s chest and looked at the clock on the nightstand. 2:00am. Her stomach rumbled, reminding her that she had eaten little dinner and had exerted quite a bit of energy. She slowly slipped from under his arm, trying not to wake him. He inhaled deeply, snoring lightly, and rolled over onto his side. As she got out of bed, she couldn’t help but look back at him affectionately. The feeling exhilerated her and made her uncomfortable at the same time. She tiptoed downstairs, still naked, and into the kitchen, where the pizza was still sitting on the counter. She quietly got another plate out of the cupboard, opened the box, and placed a piece on it. She opened the fridge door, squinting at the light, and grabbed a can of pepsi. Then, pulling a paper napkin from its holder, she walked into the living room to relax on the large couch, putting her feet up on the coffee table. She sat in the dark, enjoying the nighttime view out the large windows, the sound of the breeze sighing in the pines coming through the open screen door. It was the only sound in the house for a few moments, until she heard the creak of the wooden stairs as Oded came downstairs. She turned around to look at him.
    “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” she said quietly.
    He looked at her, slowly running a hand over his face, rubbing away the bleariness.
    “That’s ok. I missed you in bed. What are you doing up?”
    “I got hungry,” she replied, holding up her plate for him to see over the couch back.
    He looked at it. “Hmm. That’s a good idea.” He turned away from her, getting his own plate and pizza. She noticed that his hair was wildly mussed from their sex, and smiled. He opened the fridge door, bending slightly to reach in and get his own pepsi, unabashedly scratching his ass. She chuckled, thinking that she never knew a man who didn’t scratch his ass while walking naked around the house.
    He turned around and looked at her suspiciously. “What are you laughing about?”
    “Nothing,” she replied, and hid her smile behind her hand.
    He put the remaining pizza in the fridge, grabbed his plate and can and walked quietly into the living room, plopping down on the couch next to her.
    “Somehow I find that hard to believe,” he said, still eyeing her.
    She chuckled again, her hand leaving her face and running through his hair, smoothing the snarls. He looked a little embarrassed, and ran his own fingers through it as well. Then he pointed to her own mass of hair.
    “You too, you know,” he said, smiling. She smiled back, also a little embarrassed, and combed her hair with her fingers.
    They sat and ate in silence for a while, listening to the wind. As they were finishing, Oded said, “I can’t get over how quiet it is around here. It’s eery.”
    “Really? I like it. I’m not used to a lot of noises. It’s taken me a while to learn how to sleep at my place in LA.”
    “Well, it’s nice, but weird. I’ve been putting on the radio most nights, just so I can hear something.”
    Liz got that devious look on her face again. “There are lots of sounds around. You can hear the breeze, and there’s an owl out there somewhere, and I can hear some crickets, too.”
    He gave her his dirty look. “Smartass.”
    She looked his naked body up and down, feeling that familiar ache between her legs again. “Little and smart, huh?”
    “Excuse me?”
    “Everybody likes a little ass, but no one likes a smartass.”
    Oded gazed at her own naked body, getting that intense look again that made Liz’s heart stop.
    “I like that motto.”
    She lifted an eyebrow seductively and leaned over him, picking up the plate that was balanced in his lap and placing it on the coffee table with her own. “Would you like a little?”
    He put his hands around her waist as she got up on her knees and straddled him. He looked up into her eyes and replied, “Does a bear shit in the woods?”
    She laughed heartily and slowly sat down on his lap. “You’ve been in Montana too long, Oded. You’re picking up our language.”
    “Too bad,” he said, then lost interest in the conversation as she began kissing him, gently rubbing her soft body against his hard, lean one. He caressed her skin all over with his hands, stopping at the small of her back and pulling her, bringing her closer to him. She got up on her knees, bringing her breasts to his face. He fastened his mouth to her nipple, tasting the salty sweat on her skin. She gazed down and watched him. She could feel her excitement grow as she saw the pleasure he took in her body. Her long wavy hair fell around her face, enveloping them. She twisted her fingers in his silky mass of hair and sighed. Then she sat back down again, making him release his hold on her breast. She roughly pulled his head back by his hair, exposing his neck to her. She lowered her head and began nibbling on his neck, paying special attention to his adam’s apple. He laughed and groaned at the same time. She made her way up to his ear, where she took his earlobe between her teeth and tugged lightly, then slipped her tongue into the hollow, pressing her hips against his growing erection in rhythm with her tongue. Oded sucked in a breath between clenched teeth and shrugged his shoulder, making her pull back. His body trembled as a shiver when down his spine.
    “God, Liz, you’re driving me nuts!” He managed to sound irritated and aroused at the same time. She chuckled, enjoying her power again. She kept up the rhythm of her hips, feeling him grow even more rigid as they kissed. She revelled in the contrasts of his body, his soft lips and his hard erection, both of them pressing against her. She drew back, grasped one of his arms from around her waist, and brought his hand up to her face. He caressed her cheek lightly. She smiled slyly and placed his long index finger into her mouth. She circled it slowly with her tongue, feeling the callus on his fingertip, then slid her mouth up and down it, watching his expression the whole time. His teeth clenched, his jaw muscles twitching, as he inhaled deeply, then exhaled raggedly. She moved her mouth in rhythm with her hips, slowly.
    When she couldn’t stand the teasing any more, she withdrew his finger from her mouth and let go of his hand. He trailed it down her cheek, her shoulder, back to her waist, leaving a moist trail on her skin. She then raised herself up and guided his erection into her with her fingers. As her warmth enclosed around him, he exhaled mightily, which turned into a groan. “You feel so good, Liz!” he exclaimed, sliding his hands up her shoulders to nest in her hair. She rode him up and down, tweaking his nipples between her fingers, causing him to inhale sharply. He slipped his hands down to her hips, where he added his strength to her thrusts, making them harder and faster. Her climax quickly crawled up her body. She could tell his was as well from the almost pained look on his face. She wasn’t interested in prolonging it this time, however. She hadn’t recuperated from their last bout, and was quickly becoming exhausted.
    Liz came down on him harder and faster, taking all of him in. As their orgasms roared through them, Oded slipped his arms up under hers, grasped her shoulders with his hands, and pulled her down on him even harder. She threw her head back as her body tensed, her breath locked in her chest. She felt his face and hair press into her neck as he sat up, his body trembling with his orgasm. She quickly wrapped her arms around him, her own climax racing through her body as she felt him drive his seed deep into her in spasms.
    When their orgasms finally released them, they fell back against the couch, Liz’s face buried in his forest of hair, both of them breathing heavily.
    “I’m pooped!” she exclaimed. He laughed between breaths and hugged her tightly, crushing her body against his. It was evident that she was telling the truth, because her leg muscles were quivering with exhaustion. She sat up, reluctantly pulling him from inside her, and laid back on the couch lengthwise, straightening her legs carefully across his lap, wincing as they tried to cramp. He gently massaged her legs with his hands. His head fell backward, resting on the top of the couch, his dark hair falling back from his temples, still catching his breath. She could feel her desire for him flare again already, but she was too tired to do anything about it. She had four years of interest to pay off, and it was going to take a while before she was satisfied. So she just laid there and admired him, feeling their combined juices seep from inside her.
    They laid there and recovered for quite a while. Finally Oded brought his head up and looked at her, still massaging her legs lightly.
    “Are you ready to go back to bed?” he asked.
    She smiled. “Yes, I think I can walk now.” He chuckled, then lifted her legs off his lap and stood up. She followed suit, her legs a little shaky as she put her weight on them. He took her hand and led her back up to the bedroom. Oded turned back the sheets of the bed and they slipped between them. It wasn’t long before they were both sound asleep.

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    Chapter 19

    The first thing Liz noticed as she slowly awoke was the bright sunlight shining through her closed eyelids. The next thing she felt was disorientation as she opened her eyes and realized she wasn’t where she was supposed to be. As she tried to roll over from her side onto her back, still half asleep, the third thing she realized was the warmth and weight of a body pressing against her back and an arm thrown over her shoulders. She rolled back onto her side as last night came rushing back to her. She heard Oded’s deep inhale as her movements woke him. She felt him stretch his body behind her like a cat, and his hand caress her shoulder. She felt like someone had poured molasses over her brain. Her thoughts were sluggish as she tried to remember all that had happened the night before. All she could tell was that she felt uncomfortable. She had been in this situation many times before, waking up in a strange house with a man. She wasn’t sure what to do. She felt an overwhelming sense of déjà vu, and it made her skin crawl. She almost felt like she had a hangover, although she knew she hadn’t drunk any alcohol.
    Oded realized she was awake, and wrapped his arm tighter around her as he gave her a large embrace.
    “Morning,” he greeted, his breath warming her ear.
    “Morning,” she returned non-committally.
    “How did you sleep last night?”
    “Fine.”
    He began placing soft kisses on her shoulder, her neck, her arm.
    “What would you like to do today?” The feel of his breath on her skin. She was silent, still unsure of what to do. His affection was making her feel more uncomfortable. He continued.
    “We could start with breakfast. I make some mean scrambled eggs.” A kiss on her shoulder blade, his beard tickling her.
    “We could take a shower together. We can have some fun with a bar of soap.” A kiss on her ear.
    “Then we could laze around the house all day, make love some more in the afternoon. What do you say?” A kiss on her neck, a caress on her arm with his hand.
    At the words “make love”, Liz’s breath stopped in her throat. The stifling sensation she was feeling quickly turned to panic. She could maybe stand his affection, but the fact that he thought they had made love last night was too much. They had had sex. There was a large difference between the two. That they were on such a different emotional wavelength brought her panic to a head. It could never work if they were on such different levels. He felt her body stiffen.
    “What?” he asked, puzzled.
    As she sat up, not looking at him, she replied, “I can’t.”
    “What?” he repeated, this time lower.
    “I need to get going. Maybe some other time.” She quickly got up and started gathering her clothes from the floor and putting them on, still not looking in his direction.
    He sat up in bed, the covers falling to his waist. “Liz? What the hell?”
    She jumped into her pants, quickly tucking in her shirt, then sat on the bed and put on her shoes. As she stood up, he threw the covers back and got up. He fished his boxer shorts from the pile of clothes and pulled them on. He snaked a hand out and grabbed her arm before she could bolt down the stairs.
    “Will you look at me, please?” he asked, getting frustrated. She stopped and glanced at him briefly, seeing the confusion on his face. But she had to get out of there. She was getting claustrophobic. She felt like there wasn’t enough air in the room.
    “Look, I’m sorry. I need to get going.”
    “Why? What’s wrong?”
    “This just isn’t going to work.”
    He was flabbergasted. “What?!” Her statement was like a dash of cold water on his face, bringing him fully awake.
    She pulled her arm from his grasp and set off down the stairs, leaving him with his mouth agape. He quickly regained himself and followed her.
    “Liz, damn it! Would you wait a minute?” he called to her as he bounded down the stairs after her. He reached her in the kitchen and caught her arm again.
    “Wait a minute! What the hell is going on?”
    She stopped and finally looked at him, a look of extreme unhappiness on her face.
    “This is never going to work. We ought to just stop it from going any further.”
    His eyes smoldered with hurt and anger. “Why not? What do you mean?”
    She held her hands up, protecting herself from that look. “You wouldn’t understand. Let’s just leave it at that.”
    He threw up his hands in frustration and growled. “Well, why don’t you at least try me? Give me a chance, for Christ’s sake!” She didn’t answer. There was a deadly silence in the room. He continued.
    “You know, when we first met you talked about your honesty. That’s one of the things that attracted me to you. But all you’ve been doing since then is lying to me.” He paused.
    “I feel like I keep running up against this wall with you. Why won’t you let me inside?”
    Her own anger flared, fueled by his comment about her honesty. “What do you mean? You’ve already been inside me. Isn’t that enough?” she spat. He stepped back as if she had pulled a knife and tried to cut him.
    Her temper dampened as she saw his hurt and bewilderment, but she still felt the overwhelming urge to finish this conversation and get the hell out of there.
    “We’re just too different, we don’t have enough in common. We could never have a relationship. I’m sorry, Oded.” With that she turned and hurried to the dining room table, grabbed her purse, and fled out the front door, leaving him there with his hands clenched at his side. Soon he heard her van start up and pull out of the driveway, the engine revving loudly, then dwindling into the distance. Oded grabbed the nearest thing to him, an empty pepsi can that was sitting on the counter, and threw it at the screen door, snarling in hurt and frustration, trying to figure out how things had fallen apart so quickly.

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    Chapter 20

    Liz roared down the road back into town, her whole body shaking with reaction, breathing hard, her heart thumping. She was fortunate that traffic was light on that Sunday morning. She weaved all over the road and was hardly aware of her surroundings.
    As she finally slowed down and entered town, she realized that she had to go to the bathroom something terrible. Her back teeth were floating. She spotted a gas station and quickly pulled in, bringing the van to a screeching halt. She jumped out and strode into the gas station, noticing as she opened the door that it was one of the old-fashioned types with the bathroom outside. She went up to the counter where a young girl stood.
    “Bathroom key, please,” she said curtly, giving the girl a thundery look, waiting for her to say something, anything, that she could pounce on. She was hurting terribly and wanted to pass the misery around. The girl, maybe sensing her mood, wordlessly handed her the key, which was attached to a ridiculously large wooden paddle. Liz whirled and stomped back outside and around the building to the bathroom.
    She locked the door behind her and quickly sat on the toilet. She put her hands on her face, trying to get calmed down. She took a few deep breaths, trying to get her breathing to slow down. When it did, she got up, flushed and went over to the sink to wash her hands. As she washed, she looked at herself in the scratched metal mirror. She was shocked at the haggard look on her face. Her hair was a mess. Her makeup was smeared. There were dark shadows under her eyes.
    Liz reflected on her exit from Oded’s house. That was a bad scene. It dawned on her that she had done exactly what countless guys had done to her in the past. Guys had always been taking off in the morning from her place, never to be seen again. The idea was so absurd that she had done the same thing to someone else that she started chuckling, then giggling, then laughing hysterically. She knew she was hysterical, but couldn’t seem to stop. Soon her laughing jag became a crying jag as she remembered how much she hurt when they had done that to her. She backed away from the sink, fell against the far wall, and slowly slid down it to a cower on the floor, her legs unable to support her anymore. She curled up in a ball, her arms wrapped around her knees, crying and laughing uncontrollably.
    When her emotional outburst finally passed, she felt totally drained, emotionally and physically. Her back and stomach muscles felt sprung. Her face was wiped clean of makeup by her tears. Her eyes were red and swollen and she was hiccupping, trying to get her breath back.
    Liz slowly got to her feet and stood in front of the mirror again. She looked even worse now. She looked exhausted. She ran cold water in the sink and splashed it on her face, cooling her hot skin. She leaned against the sink, her head hanging, her arms propping her up, until she felt a little more in control of herself. When she felt at least somewhat composed, she towelled off her face, grabbed the bathroom key, and walked back into the gas station.
    The girl was still behind the counter, reading a tabloid newspaper. She glanced at Liz, then did a double take. Liz tossed the key on the countertop without a word. The girl seemed to debate on whether to ask her if she was alright, but Liz never gave her a chance. She just turned around and trudged out the door to her van.
    Five minutes later she pulled the van into the driveway of the crew’s house. She grabbed her purse, got out, and walked briskly into the house. Bob, Jamie, and Chris were doing their usual morning ritual of drinking coffee around the kitchen table, undoubtedly talking about her. They all turned and looked at Liz as she slammed the front door behind her and stomped inside. She was still inside her own head, and hardly even noticed them.
    “Liz?” Bob asked as she walked past them. She went into her bedroom and shut the door behind her, not acknowledging him. He got up, walked down the short hallway, and knocked on her door.
    “Liz?” he repeated. “You alright?”
    No answer. He slowly turned the doorknob. It was unlocked. He carefully poked his head in, then opened the door wider, went in, and closed the door behind him.
    Liz was sitting on her bed, her head in her hands, facing away from Bob.
    “You alright?” he repeated again. She was surprised at his concern, but was not in the mood for it.
    “Thanks for asking, Bob, but I really don’t want to talk about it,” she replied without turning to look at him.
    “Ok, well if you do, let me know.” She just waved her hand, acknowledging that she heard him. He left her bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him. He looked at Jamie and Chris, who were still in the kitchen with questioning expressions on their faces, and shrugged at them.
    Liz sat on her bed for the better part of an hour, not moving, and trying not to think. It wasn’t working. Her mind was in turmoil. Her cell phone rang a couple times from inside her purse, but she ignored it. The third time it rang, she opened her purse and grabbed it. She saw on the caller ID Oded’s number. She let her voice mail pick it up again. Then she called her mom, who she was supposed to spend the day with once more, and cancelled. When her mom asked her why, she stated that she wasn’t feeling well. And she wasn’t lying. She felt sick to her stomach, and her heart physically ached. After she hung up from her mom, she listened to the voice mails that Oded had left. She started crying as she heard the grief in his voice, then his accent getting more pronounced as his anger mounted on the last message, pleading for her to call him back, to talk to him.
    When she finished with the messages, she turned off her cell phone and threw it carelessly back in her purse. Then she laid back on her bed and stared at the ceiling, her fingers laced across her stomach. Tears trickled silently from her eyes as she continued to cry. She couldn’t seem to stop. She laid that way for hours, until finally she exhausted herself enough that she fell into a blissfully black sleep.

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    Chapter 21

    The next two weeks Liz withdrew into herself. She only spoke when spoken to. She seldom smiled and never laughed. She felt like the last four years had been wiped out and she was back where she began. Life sucked. She thanked God that she didn’t feel the urge to go out and drink, but everything else she was feeling was almost as bad. She was depressed, she was angry, she was hurt. She was pissed off at everyone. She didn’t want to work.
    That first Monday was the worst. She dreaded seeing Oded. He had quit calling her cell phone after that third time, but she had no idea what he would do when they had to work together. How the hell did she manage to do this again, after all the years of getting her shit straight? It reminded her so much of all the times that she dated guys that she worked with. You’d think she would have learned. Most people, if they hit their thumb with a hammer, they learn that it hurts and don’t do it anymore. She, however, just kept hitting her thumb, thinking that one of these times it wasn’t going to hurt. That was a pretty good definition of insanity in her book.
    So that morning, trying to get up and get ready for work, she seriously considered begging off working for the day. She just wanted to stay in bed and hide. But that was her pattern in the past. She had even quit a few jobs because of a mess she had made with men at the workplace. That was one thing she didn’t want to do. She wasn’t going to let Oded fuck up the rest of her life as well. So she called on that streak of steel inside her that had saved her from so many of her own catastrophes before and went to work, swearing she was never going to let this happen again.
    She wasn’t on location very long before she spotted Oded talking with a small group of people. Fortunately his back was to her, and she snuck by to the special effects equipment without him seeing her. But it wasn’t much later that he did spy her as she set up the equipment. She stood up from squatting on the ground next to a camera and looked up, directly into his eyes. Even though he was thirty feet away, he seemed to be the only thing she saw. He had that intense look in his dark eyes again, the one that usually made her want to rip his clothes off and climb him like a tree. Now that look burned her, for now the intensity was anger and hurt. She couldn’t meet his eyes, and quickly turned away. He didn’t try to come over and talk to her, though. That was a good thing.
    The rest of the day Liz was tormented with the sight of Oded. She very carefully stayed away from wherever he was on the shoot. She purposely did things in her job that kept herself away from him, running cable to the other side of the shoot, going down to the van to get something. But she couldn’t help but gaze at him when he wasn’t looking at her. His demeanor had completely changed. He hardly ever smiled himself. He always had a smoldering look in his eyes, like he too was pissed off at the world. Once, as the director was talking to him, Oded was staring at the ground, lost in his own world. Liz saw the director tug the sleeve of Oded’s robe and say, “Hey! Are you paying attention?” loud enough for her to hear from where she was standing. He pulled himself out of his trance and looked at the director, mumbling an apology. She felt a pang of empathy, for Bob had had to yell at her a couple times as well. She didn’t seem to have a very long attention span lately.

    As the days passed, the situation didn’t get much better. There was a coldness between Liz and Oded that would give someone frostbite if they walked into it. People on the shoot sensed it. They tended to stay away from both of them. The light, casual atmosphere of work seemed to have changed. A dark cloud hung overhead. Everyone seemed to be waiting for a thunderstorm.
    Liz made a point of going to AA meetings. She knew better than to quit going to them, in the spot she was in. But she didn’t share. She mainly sat there, her mind disconnected. She hated feeling this way, but didn’t know how to change it. She missed Oded. She missed having fun, laughing. Before Oded, she was at least content being alone. Now she was lonely, and she hated that ache. But she didn’t know how to get out of this hole she had dug herself.
    She didn’t think she could have any sort of relationship with Oded. They were from two different worlds, for Christ’s sake. Literally. And not only was he from the other side of the planet, he wasn’t an alcoholic. She had always believed that if she was going to have a serious relationship with someone, he would have to be a fellow alcoholic. No one else would understand her. And besides, Oded seemed a little too good to be true. He was almost too good looking. It was a little intimidating. He was nice to her for no apparent reason. Guys were only nice to her when they were trying to get something out of her. His generosity made her nervous. The only negative thing she could come up with was his smoking, and even that wasn’t much. People can always stop smoking. He wasn’t sarcastic or manipulative to her. He didn’t raise a hand towards her. He was truthful to her. Why did she dump him again? Because he was too good? Jesus, was she really thinking that? That was her old behavior rearing its ugly head, that she doesn’t deserve something that good. That realization brought her racing mind to a screaming halt, the person’s voice sharing in the meeting fading to a drone into the distance, forgotten. She jumped in her seat as if someone had jabbed her with a hot poker. She slapped her hand over her mouth, afraid of what might come out. The woman sitting next to her glanced at her, then returned to the person speaking.
    Had she really slipped back into her old behavior without being aware of it? She thought back on the last month as the meeting continued without her. She had a flash of herself, asking Chris to smoke outside. Then another flash of Oded smoking, and her rolling over, saying she didn’t mind, becoming the door mat that she had always been. Why did her behavior change so much around Oded? He had even asked! Why couldn’t she be truthful with him? Oh, and by the way, that was another thing. She realized how much she had withheld her feelings to him. Wasn’t that about the same as lying? She had several flashes of herself avoiding his questions, redirecting the conversations. Didn’t he have a look on his face that he knew she was lying? No wonder it pushed her button when he finally brought up her lying, brought it out into the open! He called her on her bullshit, and she didn’t like it. Was she really willing to throw away a good thing for something sicker but more comfortable? It seemed so.

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    Chapter 22

    With those realizations running through Liz’s head, the following week was a little different. She wasn’t angry with Oded anymore, which she recognized that she had been. She didn’t have a reason to be mad at him. But she still didn’t know what to do. She was now aware of these problems being her problems, not his. So what was she going to do about it? Did she want to try and patch things up between them or just write it off as a learning experience? She was still spinning her wheels when something happened on Friday to propel her into gear.
    Liz sat on a crate, alone, next to the special effects equipment, picking listlessly at a donut. It was break time, and everyone had hit the table displaying all the food, grabbing sweets and coffee. She was still in her own world. However, she always had Oded somewhere in her vision. She couldn’t help it. He was currently standing on the opposite side of the shoot, also by himself, drinking a cup of coffee.
    As she was lost in her own thoughts, it cut through her haze that someone had come up to him and was standing next to him. The scene brought her out of herself when she realized that person was a woman. Liz felt a grip of panic around her heart when she recognized the woman as Cheryl, one of the director’s assistants. She was a very beautiful brunette, and she was very obviously hitting on Oded. Liz watched her laugh at something Oded said, then lightly put her hand on his arm. Her panic tightened, squeezing her heart, as he smiled back at Cheryl. It wasn’t a very enthusiastic smile, but it was a smile all the same. Then he shot a look at Liz.
    Liz felt her panic try to suffocate her as she realized that maybe she had already blown any chance she had with Oded. After all, she had jerked him around. Why should he wait around for her? She had told him it was over anyway. She got up and walked away, not being able to stand the scene playing out in front of her. She walked down to the beaten down grass of the parking lot, stopping to lean against a car. She looked down at herself and noticed that her hands were shaking.
    It was the panic in her that woke her up to her feelings. She always had trouble figuring out how she felt, because she tended to bury the uncomfortable ones. Now they were brought to the surface. She still wanted Oded. She wanted to have a relationship with him. She missed him, as a friend and as a lover. She didn’t want to lose him. But if she wanted to have him, she was going to have to take the uncomfortable feelings as well as the comfortable ones. This was a package deal, no picking and choosing. He was right. She was going to have to let him in. If she was going to have a relationship with him, she was going to have to do some unfamiliar things. Like trust him not to hurt her. Then the truth hit her that maybe she didn’t have a chance, that maybe he was over her and ready to move on. It scared her to death that she had fucked up so badly, but she had to at least try. She didn’t want to regret this for the rest of her life.
    Liz waited until lunchtime, screwing up her courage. Her stomach was in knots and her palms were sweating. She didn’t even try to eat anything. She waited until she saw him walk down to his car, then followed him, wanting to get him off to one side. She walked up behind him as he leaned into his car, getting a new pack of cigarettes out of the console. He didn’t sense her, so she took a second to gather her thoughts and take a deep breath. Then she took the plunge.
    “Oded?” she asked quietly.
    He jumped, damn near whacking his head on the door jamb of the car in the process, then stood up quickly and turned around. He put his hand holding the cigarettes over his chest, trying to quiet his heart. He looked her up and down.
    “Jesus, Liz, you scared the hell out of me!”
    “Sorry,” she replied, smiling a little. She couldn’t tell if he was really angry at her, or if it was just a reaction to being scared. Her smile faded. She was scared to death herself, but pushed on anyway. She didn’t realize how much courage she could summon up.
    “Um, can we talk for a minute?”
    “I guess,” he replied non-committally.
    She stopped for a minute. It was killing her not being able to read his emotions on his face. He just looked at her with those beautiful eyes. They were still intense, but she couldn’t tell what that intensity meant.
    “I…I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the last couple weeks,” she continued.
    No reaction from him. Her fingers twined nervously around themselves. Her hands were clammy.
    “A…And I’ve realized what a mess I’ve made of everything.”
    A flicker of something in his eyes. She took a deep inhale as she realized that she hadn’t breathed.
    “I realize how much I’ve jerked you around and lied to you.”
    Another flicker in his eyes, but still no change in his expression. She wanted to run away again, but held her ground. The tension between them was making her skin crawl.
    “I wanted to say that I was sorry.” She swallowed a dry lint ball that somehow had gotten stuck in her throat.
    “I…I miss you and I can’t stand the thought of losing you forever.” Suddenly a storm of hurt overwhelmed her and a sob escaped from between her lips. She quickly slapped a hand over her mouth, afraid of letting anything else out, afraid she would never stop crying if she started now. Her eyes welled up with tears, but none fell. Oded stood motionless, his face still impassive.
    As Liz got her hurt under control, her anger flared up. “Damn it, Oded! Would you please say something?” She hated not being in control of a situation, letting herself be vulnerable and not knowing the reaction of the other person.
    He shifted from one foot to another, but his look didn’t change.
    “I’m not sure what to say,” he finally replied. There was an awkward silence between them. Liz’s hands were now shaking from adrenaline.
    Then anger flashed across Oded’s face. “You really hurt me, do you know that?” The emotion on his features was more than Liz could stand, and she looked down at the ground for relief.
    “I know, and I can never say how sorry I am. I hate hurting people more than anything.”
    “Ya? Well, you’re very good at it,” he shot back.
    She put a shaking hand over her mouth, her head still hanging. A single tear fell to the ground. Oded saw it and put a hand lightly on her arm.
    “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
    Liz sniffled and raised her head. “That’s okay. I earned that one. I am good at it.” She noticed that the intense fire had gone out of his eyes. Now he just looked unhappy. She continued with her speech.
    “I’m ready to be honest with you, and not shut you out anymore.” She paused. “If you want to give it another chance.” Any other words she had dried up with her voice.
    He looked down at the ground, then rubbed his temples with his fingers as if he had a headache. He was silent for a moment, then sighed and raised his head and looked at her.
    “I don’t know if I’m willing to do that.” He saw the hurt in her eyes, but continued. “I like you a lot Liz, I really do, but I’m not sure it’s worth it.”
    Liz panicked. “Oh god, Oded, please don’t tell me I fucked up that bad.” She wrapped her arms around herself, afraid she was going to fall apart. “Please, let me show you.” She didn’t see any change in his eyes. She held her hands out to him without quite touching him. “Listen, I’ve been asked to speak at an AA speaker meeting tomorrow night. I get up and tell my life story. I would like you to come. It’s the best way I can think of to tell you why I’ve acted the way I have.” She paused. “That’s my way of letting you inside.”
    He thought about it for a moment. Time seemed to have slowed down to a crawl for Liz. Finally he sighed. “Let me think about it.”
    Liz was taken aback. She wasn’t used to not getting her way, and this whole conversation was killing her. But she put a clamp on her reactionary emotions and waited.
    “I’ll let you know tonight after shooting’s done, ok?” She knew that was the best she could hope for, and she just nodded. Oded looked up the hill to the shoot. Everyone was going back to their jobs. He jerked his head in that direction. “Come on, we’ve got to get back to work.” She looked up the hill, nodded again, and they both began trudging back up, keeping an uncomfortable space between them.
    The rest of the day seemed to last a lifetime for Liz. She couldn’t keep her mind on her job, and Bob had to get her attention a couple times, snapping her out of her anxiety. She kept watching Oded, looking for any hint of what he was feeling. Every time she caught him gazing at her, his face was unreadable. If he didn’t want her to know what he was feeling, he was doing a damn fine job of it. That was probably what made him such a good actor. But something must have been getting to him, because it required more takes than usual to get his scenes done.
    As the day wore on, Liz got more and more nervous. Her stomach was killing her. She was hungry from skipping lunch, but thought if she did eat something, she would just throw it up. She hated feeling this way. She felt like she could start either crying or screaming at any moment. She began biting her nails, something she hadn’t done in a long time.
    Finally, as the light diminished in the sky, the director called it a day. Everyone started packing up their things. Liz’s stomach tightened another notch. As she carried things to the van, she kept an eye out, looking for Oded. She didn’t see him for quite a while. When they just about had everything packed, she finally saw him walking in her general direction, toward the parking lot. She wasn’t sure if he was headed toward her or just his car. He had changed out of his costume and was back in a long sleeved shirt and jeans. His tattoos were still on his face, once again creating that oddly appealing disparity. As he strode down the hill, Liz watched as Cheryl intersected him, getting his attention with a waving hand. Liz’s heart stopped beating, her breath stuck in her throat like a sharp bone.
    Oded and Cheryl spoke for a few minutes. She smiled at him, touching his arm once again with her hand. Liz could have cheerfully ripped that hand off and fed it to her. Then her jealousy faded. She really didn’t have a right to be jealous. She was the one that had fucked up here. And Cheryl was a nice person. Her jealousy died down and was replaced by that familiar ache again.
    Liz watched the scene in agony, waiting for it to be over. She stood by the front of the van, the crate that she had been holding on the ground at her feet. Jamie came up behind her and spoke her name. She didn’t even hear him. He followed her gaze up the hill, then winced as he saw what was going on. He prudently stepped around Liz and walked back up the hill to get another armload of equipment.
    Then she saw Oded smile politely and shake his head at something Cheryl said. He said a few more words, then continued on his way down the hill. Cheryl turned around and looked at Oded’s back, a puzzled look on her face. Then she saw Liz, and his now obvious beeline toward her. She quickly turned back around and headed up the hill, looking slightly embarrassed. Liz’s heart started beating again, and she remembered to breath. She tried to tell herself not to get her hopes up, but it wasn’t working very well. She shook herself awake, realizing the crate she had been holding was now on the ground. She quickly picked it up, turned around, and threw it carelessly into the back of the van.
    By the time Liz had turned back around, Oded had closed the distance between them. She could hardly stand to look in his eyes. She didn’t know what to do. She stood still and folded her arms, her hands cupping her elbows. That didn’t feel comfortable, so she dropped them to her sides. She didn’t like that either, so she went back to folding them. She felt like she was twitching all over. She kept taking quick glances into his eyes.
    “Hi,” she said quietly.
    “Hi,” he replied. An uncomfortable silence. Liz could hear people hollering to one another up on top of the hill, and someone laughing at someone else’s joke a couple cars over.
    “Well…” he began, then stopped. He seemed as uncomfortable as she did. It was the first time she had seen an emotion out of him all day. He started playing with his watchband.
    “Well…” he started again. “I’ve thought about it.” Another pause. “And I am willing to try one more time.”
    Liz’s whole body seemed to crumple inside. Her knees tried to unhinge on her. She took a hesitant step toward him. She held out her hands and he took them in his. Her ache inside had now turned into elation. She started babbling.
    “Oh thank God, Oded! I’m so sorry! I never meant to hurt you. I’m so sorry.” She tried to embrace him, but he held her back slightly. She stepped back, worried. That unreadable intensity was still in his eyes.
    “This is just a trial run, understand? No more lying.”
    She nodded, afraid to say anything. He looked at her, then smiled and drew her to him, wrapping his arms around her. It took all her strength to keep from crying hysterically. There was a flood inside her that was barely held in check. She put her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest, an overwhelming sense of relief enveloping her. Things between them seemed to have been resolved, but Liz realized that they weren’t back to where they were before. Some damage had been done, and he was still a little distant.
    Oded held her for a moment, then his voice floated down from above her head. “Since we’re starting over with a clean slate, I suppose I better do my own apologizing.”
    Liz drew back her head and looked at him, puzzled.
    “At lunch time, when Cheryl was talking to me, I looked over at you, making sure you saw that.” He paused. “It’s bugged me ever since I did that. It was a little manipulative, and I’m sorry.”
    Liz looked at him, her puzzlement turning to shock.
    “What?” he asked, a little worried.
    She had trouble finding her voice. “I…I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy apologize to me before.”
    Now it was his turn to look shocked. “Really?”
    She nodded. “So thank you. That means a lot.”
    “Sure,” he replied, still looking a little confused.
    They held each other for a moment, getting their own emotions under some sort of control. Oded changed the subject to a lighter one.
    “Say, what does one wear to an AA meeting, anyway?”
    Liz giggled, her head still against his chest. Then she pulled out of his arms reluctantly, but kept his hands in hers.
    “Well, because I’m the speaker, I’m going to get dressed up a little. But you can wear whatever you want. You can go wearing what you have on if you feel like it. There is no dress code.”
    He nodded. “What time does it start?”
    “It’s at 7 o’clock, at the Holy Rosary Church.”
    “Would you like me to pick you up?”
    “Sure, why don’t you come to my house around 6:30? That will give us time to chat with everyone before the meeting.”
    Oded seemed to get a little nervous. “How often do normies go to AA meetings?”
    She smiled at his use of her phrase. “Only once in a while at regular meetings, but there are usually one or two at the speaker’s meetings.”
    “How many people are going to be there?”
    At that question, Liz started to get a little nervous herself. “It varies, but there are usually 20 to 30 people there.”
    He picked up on her feelings. “This is a big thing for you, isn’t it?”
    “Yes, it is. Most of the people there are my friends, but I’ve never spoken in front of a group before, especially talking about my life. I’m a little nervous.” He squeezed her hands, showing her his support wordlessly. She smiled back gratefully.
    Liz brought herself out of their conversation and looked around the area. “Shit! I’ve got to get back to work. The guys are probably waiting for me so we can all go home.”
    “Ok,” he replied, then leaned over and softly kissed her. Liz felt her tears of relief try to break loose again, but she held a tight rein on them. He affectionately nuzzled her lips with his own. Then they stepped back, dropping their hands.
    “I’ll see you tomorrow night,” he said, then turned around and walked to his car.

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Chapter 23

    By 6:30 that Saturday Liz was dressed up and ready to go. She hadn’t had anything nice enough to wear for the meeting in her closet, so she ended up going downtown and purchasing some new clothes. She had bought a light summer skirt that stopped just above her knees and a short sleeved printed blouse. The outfit showed off her curves and long legs. Her blond hair was pulled back into a loose french braid that fell down her back. The seawater blue of the fabric matched her eyes.
    Liz sat in the recliner in the living room with her purse in her lap. Bob, Jamie, and Chris sat in front of the TV, surfing the channels. No one said anything. She was nervous again, only this time she was nervous about speaking. She could stand that feeling. At least it wasn’t the fingernails-down-the-chalkboard anxiety that she had been experiencing the last couple weeks. However, some of that nervousness also was apprehension about taking Oded to an AA meeting. She wasn’t sure how he would take to being surrounded by alcoholics, or how the alcoholics would get along with him. Sometimes normies and alcoholics mixed like oil and water. He might also hear her story and go screaming out the door and into the street, never to talk to her again. Her rational mind rejected this idea, but her nerve endings had a harder time of it.
    When Oded pulled up, Liz once again met him down at his car. She slid into the passenger seat, immediately enveloped in the spicy, musky scent of his cologne. As she inhaled, savoring it, she took a moment to look him over. He wore a black suit jacket with a white oxford shirt underneath, open at the throat, and black slacks.
    He looked her over as well, his eyes widening slightly. “Wow!” he exclaimed. “You look great!”
    She blushed and laughed. “Thanks. You look really good yourself.” That was somewhat of an understatement. “I told you that you didn’t have to get dressed up.”
    He shrugged. “I know, but I wanted to anyway. If this meeting is important to you, it’s important to me.”
    Liz looked at him, pleasantly surprised. “Thank you. I appreciate that.” He shrugged again, showing that it was just common practice to him. Then he put the car in gear and pulled out onto the street.

    A few minutes later they pulled into the parking lot of the Holy Rosary Church. They got out of the car and Liz led them to a side door that opened to a flight of stairs ushering them downstairs.
    The stairwell opened into a large room with a low ceiling. Folding chairs were placed in a circle in the center of the room. At the far side of the circle was a small podium, which Liz eyed nervously. A folding table sat in one corner, two large coffee urns perking noisily on it. There were also trays of cookies and other goodies next to them. About fifteen people were scattered about the room, huddled in groups of two or three, holding sixteen different conversations. She was always amazed at the amount of laughter that permeated these rooms, and smiled herself.
    “Hey, Liz!” she heard someone call off to her right. She turned to see her friend Shelley walking toward her. They hugged, then Liz turned to Oded.
    “Oded, you remember Shelley.”
    “Sure,” he said, and nodded toward her. “Nice to see you again.”
    Shelley returned the greeting, then turned to Liz.
    “So, I see you brought a normie with you, huh?”
    Both the women laughed. Oded looked at Shelley, surprised.
    “How did you know I was a normie?”
    The women looked at each other with knowing smiles.
    “Because you have that look in your eye,” Shelley said, “that you expect us at any minute to start dancing around in a circle and sacrifice a monkey.”
    He laughed nervously. “That obvious, huh?” Liz and Shelley just smiled at him.

    They chatted for a few more minutes, then they heard a laugh in the room that was identical to Liz’s own. Both women looked around.
    “Oh, by the way, your mom’s around here somewhere,” Shelley said.
    Liz smiled. “Ya, I can tell. I suppose I ought to go find her.” She looped her arm through Oded’s and started to lead him away.
    “See you later, Shell,” she said. Shelley nodded back, heading for the coffee.
    As they sauntered through the room, Oded leaned toward her and said quietly, “You didn’t tell me your mom was going to be here.” She glanced at him, noticing that he was a little nervous at the prospect of meeting her mom. She smiled. “Don’t worry. She’ll like you. She’s just like me.” He didn’t look very reassured.
    They came up behind a woman standing in a group of people, holding a cup of coffee.
    “Hi, Mom,” Liz greeted, and the woman turned around. She looked exactly like Liz. She could have been an older sister.
    “Hi, kiddo,” she returned. She looked at Oded with a small smile.
    “Mom, this is Oded. Oded, this is my mom, Mary.” They greeted each other and shook hands. Mary and Liz seemed to have a subliminal conversation, Mary appraising him, then glancing at Liz, saying so this is what your problem has been. And Liz’s answer, yes, it was a man. Mary’s response, that is not surprising. They smiled at each other. Oded watched this non-verbal communication with a suspicious eyebrow.
    The trio talked for a few minutes, Mary asking questions of Oded, striking up a friendly conversation. Liz could tell from his stance that he was nervous, but it didn’t take her mom long to put him at ease. Soon he was laughing at her jokes just as much as he laughed at Liz’s.
    As the top of the hour grew closer, people started to get cups of coffee and take their seats in the circle. Liz noticed this, and glanced at Oded and Mary. Her fingers twisted around themselves nervously.
    “Well, I guess it’s time,” she said. The three of them walked to the chairs, Liz claiming the one behind the podium. Mary and Oded sat next to each other, on the other side of the circle.
    After a few minutes, everyone had taken a seat and quieted down. There were about 25 people in the room. The chairperson, Bill, started the meeting. Everyone joined in the Serenity Prayer, then the 12 steps of AA were read. Then Bill announced that this was a speaker’s meeting, and said a little bit about Liz, talking about when she came into the program and how much growth he had seen in her since then. Liz blushed, but smiled. She was knew it was true, even with all the troubles she had been having lately. Her life was immensely better now than it ever had been. Then he turned the meeting over to her. Liz stood up behind the small podium, shifting from foot to foot a little. She could tell that her face was red from adrenaline. She took a deep breath and began.
    “My name is Liz and I’m an alcoholic.” The group answered back with an enthusiastic, “Hi Liz!” Oded jumped a little and looked around warily. She looked at him and smiled. He smiled back, his own cheeks reddening a little.
    She started by talking about her family and the long line of alcoholics that she decended from. Oded glanced at Mary once in a while as Liz spoke, maybe waiting for her to jump up and contest hotly what her daughter was saying. But she just sat and smiled, nodding occasionally.
    Liz began to relax. As she did so, she infused her story with laughter. It was impossible not too. Some of the things she did when drunk were pretty damn funny in hindsight. She noticed that Oded laughed right along with all the alcoholics. A few jokes that were strictly AA humor he looked a little perplexed about, however.
    As she entered her high school years in her story, she began to talk about how alcohol and men became entertwined in her life. She became more serious as she talked about the abusive relationships she had had, the endless parties, waking up in bed with perfect strangers, the lack of her own identity. She talked in detail about her ex-husband, Tony, and her horrendous life in Billings, dumpster-diving and damn near ending up on the street. She glanced at Oded occasionally, nervously, to see how he was reacting to all this information. He had that intense look in his eyes again. It never failed to amaze her how expressive his face could be. She could see his wonder and compassion shine through and touch her.
    Then Liz got to the part of her story about floating the Yellowstone river. She could see it happening all over again in her mind. It was like watching TV, it was that clear. When she described the girl being swept under the tree, it dawned on her that she had been about three feet away from death. It hit her like a brick. Suddenly a flood of images came to her, stupid stunts that she had pulled that she probably shouldn’t have lived through. She realized just how lucky she was to be alive. She stopped her speech for a second as all of this sunk in. Then she continued, talking about her realization, about how she just then became aware of what a miracle she was to be standing behind that podium. She could feel tears of gratitude well up and a lump form in her throat. There was a waiver in her voice. She talked about how grateful she was just to be alive, not to mention the facts that she also had her health, a large circle of friends, and could look at herself in the mirror in the morning. The tears refused to go away, but she managed to blink them back. She looked at the audience and noticed quite a few of them crying also. They understood what she meant. Then she looked at Oded. She saw there were tears standing in his eyes, too. Admiration had been added to the wonder and compassion on his face. The two of them shared a perfect moment of understanding, even if it did only last a split second. She had to look away quickly before she completely lost control. She never could take seeing a man cry without crying herself. She quickly went on with her story, getting her emotions under control.
    She talked about the progression of her alcoholism as it took her down a spiral of depression. She talked about the hopelessness and despair that she felt. Then she talked about turning her life around. She spoke of going to treatment, how she considered it a college that she had graduated from because that was where she had learned all the important stuff for living. Her smile came back to her face. The laughter began to saturate the room again as she talked about the joy of living. She finished off her story by stating how grateful she was to be an alcoholic and for everything that had happened to her in her life, good and bad, because it had all gotten her to where she was now. As she said “Thank you” and sat down, an overwhelming feeling of happiness and serenity swept over her. She felt at peace. Now she knew why people said that they got a lot out of telling their own stories.
    The group clapped loudly and enthusiastically. Oded clapped along with them, if not more fervently. Then everyone stood up, held hands, and recited the Lord’s Prayer. When it was over, the circle of people broke up and began milling about, talking to each other or heading to the table for coffee and cookies. Most of them went up to Liz and gave her hugs, telling her how glad they were that she spoke, how they related to this part or that part of her story. She glowed with happiness and quite a bit of relief.
    As people were talking to her, she glanced around, looking for Oded, always keeping one ear on the conversation. She saw him talking to a small group of people. His demeanor had changed from when he walked in the door before the meeting. She watched as he laughed unabashedly at someone’s comment, throwing his head back slightly, then saying something back to them, and their return laughter. That was the best stamp of approval she could have hoped for. She felt the last of her nervousness slip away.
    About a half hour later, the crowd around Liz finally thinned out enough so that Oded could approach her. He had a warm smile on his face as he walked toward her. Then he opened his arms and enveloped her in an affectionate hug. She accepted it gladly, relishing it. They pulled back a little to look at each other. They both knew they had a lot to say. Liz tilted her head in the direction of a dark hallway and said, “Come on.” She took his hand and led him down the corridor to a room that was probably a classroom by day. She groped around the wall next to the door until she found the light switch and flipped it up, then shut the door behind them.
    They stood there, holding hands, not saying anything for a moment. Then Oded hugged her again. She chuckled a little at his affection. She pulled her head back and looked at him.
    “So, do you understand some of the reasons why I have had trouble dealing with us?”
    He thought for a minute. “I think I do. You certainly do have a colorful history.”
    She laughed. “That’s a good way of putting it.”
    He frowned. “How can you laugh about some of the things that have happened to you, though? I don’t get that. I mean, how can you laugh about feeling suicidal?”
    She smiled at his confusion, and gently stroked his beard with her fingertips. “Because life is too damn short not to laugh.” That didn’t seem to help him understand any.
    She turned serious. Her nervousness returned as she prepared to expose her inner self to him. “But do you understand why I’ve had such a hard time expressing my feelings to you?” She paused. “Why I’m scared to death of you?”
    He looked shocked. “Afraid of me? Why would you be afraid of me? I certainly hope I’m not like the other men that you’ve dated.”
    “That’s exactly why I am afraid of you. They may have been assholes, but at least they were a known, predictable. You are an unknown. When you are nice to me, I keep wondering why. I keep expecting the other shoe to drop, waiting for you to turn into Mr. Hyde.” The lump in her throat was returning as she began to loosen the tight rein on her feelings. She continued. “I’m so used to the put-downs, the sarcasm, and the manipulation, that when it’s not there I get paranoid.” She paused. “You are too good to be true.” She could feel the tears approaching again and choked them down.
    He still looked shocked. “What? I’m just an ordinary guy. There are lots of guys out there like me.”
    She smiled ruefully. “Well if there are, I sure didn’t find any.”
    Oded looked at her seriously. “I hope you don’t expect too much of me. I can be an asshole once in a while too, you know.” She looked worried.
    He shrugged. “The best I can do is be a human being and apologize and try not to do it again.” He paused. “And that’s all I expect from you, too. Just to be a human being and treat me the same.”
    Now it was her turn to look shocked. “I guess I never thought of it like that. You have to take into consideration that this is the first relationship that I have been in since I got sober. This is all new territory for me.”
    She thought for a minute. “I also need to apologize for the way I acted the other morning. I was reacting to your affection and I panicked. I guess it was a classic case of ‘I’ll hurt you before you hurt me’ syndrome. And I’m really sorry.” She felt her tears threatening again.
    “My life is really going well right now. In the past, when things were going well, it was always a pattern of mine to sabotage them.” He opened his mouth to say something, but she stopped him. “Don’t ask me why. I know it’s insane. Probably a lot of reasons. Anyway, that’s a lot of what I have been trying to deal with. I’m afraid of why I am attracted to you. I don’t trust my own judgement.” She paused again, losing the remainder of her control over her emotions. She put a shaking hand over her mouth and spoke through her fingers. “I’m scared to death of fucking up my life again.” With that statement she did start to cry.
    Oded pulled her to him and held her as the dam burst. She cried for what seemed like an eternity, finally releasing all the fears and anxieties she had stuffed since meeting him. He put a hand on her hair and continued holding her until the storm tapered off. The feel of his embrace helped her to let go of everything. She felt as if she was wrapped in a big warm comforter. For the first time she felt safe.
    When it was all over but a few deep breaths and sniffles, Liz pulled her head back and looked at him. He gently brought a hand up to her face and wiped away the tears from her cheeks. She had never had a man wipe away her tears before, and it felt wonderful. Then she noticed that he too had a few tears on his cheeks. She almost started crying again herself. The amount of emotion in the room was almost too much for her. She felt like she was on a roller-coaster ride. She smiled, grateful for his compassion, even as she continued crying and carefully daubed away the wetness from under his eyes. He smiled self-consciously and wiped the rest away himself with the heel of his hand, bringing them out of the moment. Liz’s crying had finally subsided, and she dried her eyes, trying to clean up her makeup. It was mostly gone.
    After they got themselves composed, they gazed at each other again, their arms still wrapped around each other. Liz once again felt her affection for Oded. She involuntarily struggled with it, then realized what she was doing and let herself feel it. She brought one hand up and caressed his cheek, then trailed it further back until it tangled in his dark curls. He embraced her tighter, bringer her closer to him, and kissed her. It was soft and gentle, filled with tenderness. He brushed her lips with his own lightly, then parted them and slipped his tongue into her mouth. They deepened the kiss, entwining and stroking the other’s tongue again and again. She could taste his tears and it made her want to cry with joy. Liz brought her other hand up to meet the first, enjoying the soft texture of his hair. Everything about his demeanor seemed soft now: the soft pressure of his lips on hers, his soft warm tongue searching her mouth, the soft weight of his arms around her waist, the soft tide of his breathing. She could feel the rise of their desire as his hands journeyed up and down her back, feeling her bare skin that hid under the material of her blouse. But the aura was different than anything she had ever experienced before.
    Finally Oded pulled back from her slightly. He smiled, his full lips still moist. He brushed an errant hair back from her temple with his fingers. Then he looked into her eyes, hypnotizing her with his own.
    “Do you want to go home?” he asked quietly. Liz understood that his one question meant many things. She was ready to take the next leap, and nodded, a slightly anxious smile on her face.
    Liz and Oded drew away from each other reluctantly, then left the room to join the remaining people in their after meeting chats. They were loath to break contact, and constantly touched one another, whether with an arm slipped around a waist or a press of a hand against another.
    They meandered from group to group, saying their goodnights to everyone. They finally reached Mary as she was talking to another woman. As Liz put a hand on her mother’s arm to get her attention, Oded stood behind her. Then someone tapped him on the shoulder and temporarily diverted his attention away.
    “We’re going to take off, Mom,” Liz said. Mary saw the glow of happiness on her face and smiled.
    “Ok,” she replied. Mary’s smile widened and got a devious twist to it.
    “I won’t try to call you at your house since I know you won’t be there. And I won’t expect you to come over tomorrow,” she said.
    Liz’s jaw dropped in only half-serious shock and embarrassment. “Mother!” Then she laughed. “What are you implying?”
    “Nothing,” Mary replied innocently. Then her smile warmed and lost its deviousness. “Just give me a call when you get the time and tell me all about it.” Liz’s face turned red but she laughed again. By this time Oded had finished his other conversation and turned back to them. Fortunately he only caught the tale end of the conversation and didn’t ask for clarification. They just exchanged their goodbyes and worked their way to the stairway through the people.

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Chapter 24

    The drive to Oded’s house was filled with silence. However, it no longer was an uncomfortable silence. It was filled with anticipation and warmth. Liz still felt her old knee jerk reactions rise up, but now that she was aware of them, she was able to keep them in the background and muzzled.
    As they pulled into the driveway, got out, and walked up the steps to the house, they kept physical contact the whole time, lightly holding hands. He led them up to the front door, unlocked it, and let them into the house. As Liz shut the door behind her, Oded carelessly tossed his keys on the dining room table. Her purse quickly joined them. Wordlessly they walked past the kitchen, up the stairs, and to the bedroom, slight smiles on both their faces.
    When they reached the side of the bed, Oded stopped and turned around. He looked her up and down with those expressive chestnut eyes, the smile still curving his lips and bringing out his dimples. He took both her hands in his. “You are so beautiful, Liz,” he said quietly.
    She blushed, automatically casting her eyes downward. Then she brought them back up to meet his. “Thank you. So are you, you know.” Now it was his turn to blush. His smile broadened and he chuckled. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been called that before.”
    “Well, you are.”
    “Thank you,” he replied, then pulled her to him, embracing her tightly. She wallowed in his body warmth as it surrounded her. Then he pulled back his head and kissed her softly. Liz immediately felt desire flood her body. She slipped her hands under his soft hair and around his neck. His large hands pressed against the small of her back and lightly massaged her skin. The scents of their colognes mingled in the air. He continued with the soft kisses, surprising her with his gentleness. His lips lightly brushed hers, then cupped each of hers individually with his own. She could feel the texture of his tongue as he searched her mouth, stroking hers occasionally.
    The material of his jacket made her feel distant from him, and she quickly lowered her hands to the front and unbuttoned it, then pushed it off his shoulders and down his arms to fall on the floor. Then she slid her arms back around his waist, feeling his muscles shift under the light cotton of his shirt.
    Oded brought his hands up to her neck, brushing her earlobes with his thumbs before trailing them back to her hair. He picked up her braid and slid off the band holding it together. Then he gently ran his long fingers through her hair, untangling her braid and freeing it to fall about her shoulders. He enmeshed his hands in it, enjoying the cool, silky texture.
    Liz’s craving for him began to overwhelm her. She brought her hands up to his chest and began to unbutton his Oxford. She broke the kiss long enough to pull her head back and admire his body. The widening V of his dark skin that was exposed was in direct contrast to the crisp white of his shirt. Her mouth began to water. Soon she had it off of him and could fully view his torso. It was truly awe inspiring.
    As her rush of hormones overtook her, it brought along with it her need to control the situation, to be the one on top. She brought her head to his chest and began to toy with his nipples with her tongue and lips. She lightly licked and nibbled, bringing them erect. She savored the taste of his skin. She heard him inhale deeply, his chest expanding. His hands continued to entwine themselves in her hair. She traced her own hand over the small hills and valleys of his abs, through the small patch of black curls below his bellybutton that teasingly trailed underneath his waistband, then over the front of his pants, caressing his erection as it strained against the soft material.
    Suddenly he brought her face up to meet his and kissed her moist lips. He looked her in the eye, perhaps knowing what she was feeling. “Huh uh,” he said quietly. “This time it’s my turn.”
    Liz felt her heart jump with fear at the thought of letting go of that control. Then, realizing that she was starting to do the same thing that she did last time, nodded. It scared her, but she was ready to let go. She was surprised at the amount of courage she was able to muster.
    He continued to kiss her softly, conveying his affection to her, as he brought his hands around to her front and began to unbutton her blouse. Then he broke the kiss, smiling. He unfastened the top button, then lowered his head and pressed his lips against the patch of light skin that he had uncovered. Then another button, another kiss on the next exposure of skin. His warm breath flooded her sensitive skin. She quickly grasped handfuls of his dark curls and gazed down, watching him at her body. She forgot to breath.
    Oded slowly worked his way down until her blouse was completely open. Then he slipped it off her shoulders to fall on the floor. He gently unhooked her bra and it joined her blouse. He stood back up and looked at her. The intensity of the emotions on his face scared her to death, but she also welcomed it. Without thinking, she released one hand from his hair and brought it down, caressing his cheek. He gently grasped her hand in his, then turned his face and placed a soft kiss in her palm. He moved to her wrist, feeling her pulse with his lips. He continued up her arm, trailing kisses lightly along, his facial hair sending chills up her spine. He continued to the inside of her elbow, then up to her shoulder, then her neck, to her ear, where he lingered, stroking it with his tongue and lips.
    “I want to make love to you, Liz,” he whispered in her ear with his warm breath. Those words sent more chills through her body than any of his touches ever could. She pressed her body against his and inhaled sharply through her clenched teeth.
    “Yes!” she groaned. She was unable to articulate any further, but she didn’t need to.
    Oded glided his large hands down the curve of her back to her skirt, unzipping it and pushing it and her panties down to fall on the floor. Liz quickly kicked off her sandals. Then he stepped back and pulled off the rest of his own clothes. She watched his body move fluidly, and couldn’t imagine a more perfect male specimen. Her arousal rose up and overtook her body, making her shiver.
    He stood erect again and admired her nakedness. Then he stepped forward, wrapped his long arms around her, gently leaned her backward, and lowered her onto the bed. Liz spread herself open to him. She could feel the pressure of his gaze on her skin. Oded came to her and lowered his body onto hers. She relished the weight of him on top of her. She could feel the hardness of his erection pressing against her and ached for it. He kissed her, brushing her lips with his own, then slipped his soft tongue into her mouth. He explored her, entwining her tongue and flitting across her smooth teeth. He finally broke the contact, slowly placing a kiss on each cheek, the tip of her nose, her eyelids, the center of her forehead. At each place she could feel the warmth of his lips linger long after he had moved on. Then he kissed her chin, then her throat, working his way down her body. He paid special attention to her breasts, bringing her nipples quickly to attention with his mouth by creating an excruciating suction that was almost painful, then pirouetting his wet tongue around them. Then he gently blew on them, making her skin break out in goosebumps. He traced the curves of her body lightly with his fingertips, barely touching her: the underswells of her breasts, the sensual arc of her hip down to her thigh, the rounded softness of her shoulders. It was like being tortured with a feather. She groaned deeply and clutched his hair in her hands, enjoying its texture. She watched him as he took enjoyment in her body. He worked his way further down, stopping to encircle her bellybutton with his tongue a couple times, then probe it inside and finish with a kiss from his soft lips. He travelled over to her hips, placing kisses on their points, then went north, trailing his tongue up her sides. Her sensitive skin trembled under his lips as his beard tickled her. She had to bite her lip and clench her stomach muscles to keep from squirming out from underneath him, then exhaled raggedly as he passed on to other areas. He continued caressing and kissing her all over, slowly laboring his way up and down until she thought she was going to have a meltdown.
    Then, as he was trailing his tongue back up between her breasts, one of his hands wandered between her legs. He slid it slowly up her inner thigh, then sent an exploratory finger into her warmth. Liz inhaled sharply as he fondled her, stroking and pressing gently. She felt her body flush with excitement. As he charmed that bundle of nerves inside her, she felt his erection driving against her thigh, wanting to be inside. A roaring orgasm threatened to run through her and she choked it back with difficulty, groaning through her clenched teeth. He bit his full lower lip in reaction to her desire as he watched her. She could almost feel her body physically yearn for his, wanting him so bad she could taste it. She couldn’t stand it anymore. She cocked her hips further, pleading for him wordlessly. “Please, Oded,” she begged. Her other words stuck in her throat.
    She felt his finger leave her and the warm tip of his penis press against her skin. She held her breath in anticipation. But that was as far as he went. He began to caress her bud of silk with it’s velvety texture, sending electrical shocks through her body. She exhaled with another groan. Her toes curled involuntarily. She ached so much inside it was almost physically painful.
    After what seemed like an eternity to Liz, Oded finally entered her, filling that ache with his own body. He gently moved inside her as he continued placing soft kisses about her face and neck. She wrapped her legs and arms around him, totally enveloping him with her body. She ran her fingers up and down his back and over his ass, feeling the working of his muscles and the soft texture of his skin. She could almost smell the testosterone in the scent of his body. She was already on a hair trigger, and quickly felt her orgasm try to overwhelm her, but when he sensed it, he slowed his movements to a crawl, bringing her back down. With excruciating slowness he pulled out to his tip, then sank into her again, straining his entire body into her. He pulled back again, then sank in again, creating that silky friction. Each time he did, they both groaned in overwhelming pleasure. He continued to caress her body with his hands and taste her with his mouth. He gradually increased their rhythm again until they were on the verge of their orgasms, then slowed down to a virtual standstill. Their bodies soon broke out in a fine sheen of sweat from their exertion. The ache inside Liz was at turns dissipated and then amplified. She had never felt anything like this before.
    Then she realized why it felt so different: Oded was making love to her. This was not just sex. He was making love to her, and with more than just his body. The physical part was only one dimension of it. She realized that not only was he giving her his body, but his mind and soul as well. Each time he sank into her, she could feel his emotions washing over her. This was his way of communicating to her that he loved her. His soft whisperings in her ear were wonderful, but not necessary. He was showing her. And making love with him felt like coming home.
    This new awareness sent her mind reeling. It was like seeing the world in black and white your entire life, then someone suddenly turning on the Technicolor. There was a whole other world involved that she had never been aware of.
    As she felt his emotions flowing over her, she become conscious of where her own were. She could almost visualize the cage inside her where she hid her most intimate feelings. It was trying to burst open, it was so full. For the first time she felt safe letting a man totally inside her, both physically and spiritually. She opened the door on that cage and her feelings spilled out, her love, her trust, and her hope, flowing over both of them and mixing with his own, creating a whole new entity. They were entirely one now.
    Liz felt her orgasm surge with this new awareness and overtake her body. She had never felt anything so powerful before. It involved her body, her mind, and her spirit. Oded felt the change come over her, and he quickened, his own arriving as well. She lost control of herself. “Oh my God, Oded! Yes!” Her affirmation was in answer to many things.
    Her breath locked in her lungs as her entire body froze with the force of it. She dug her fingers into his back, neither of them noticing the crescent-shaped marks until the next morning. He thrust harder and harder, calling her name over and over, keeping her orgasm going while exploding with his own. The tendons stood out on his neck in exertion as his orgasm racked his body. He plunged into her one last time, straining as far into her as possible, driving his love deep into her soul.
    They were immobilized there, as still as statues, helpless until their bodies released them. When they finally did, Oded collapsed on top of Liz, both of them gasping and breathing heavily. She felt droplets of his sweat fall onto her skin. Her entire body felt as if it were vibrating. The world tilted first one way, then another, as she attempted to get oxygen to her brain. Both were unable to speak as they recuperated.
    As they lay there, he continued to place soft kisses about her face and neck, communicating to her wordlessly. Their unspoken love permeated the air around them like a mist. Liz felt it, but was unable to vocalize it. The words were caught in her throat like a bone. Oded seemed to realize it, and told her in other ways. She reciprocated, caressing his broad back and shoulders, then bringing a hand up and tracing her fingertips along his jawline, then across his full lips. They looked each other in the eyes and shared a certain telepathy that only two people in love do. He raised his hand to her face, and gently wiped the corner of her eye. She felt the wetness and realized that he had just brushed away a tear. She hadn’t even realized she was crying. She had never felt so happy, joyous, and free. Everything was rainbow, rainbow, rainbow.
    They continued their silent conversation until their bodies were finally at rest. Then Oded slowly withdrew from her, leaving her feeling that she was missing a part of herself. He rolled over onto his back with a deep sigh, and she followed him, laying her head on his chest and her arm across his stomach. He brought his arm around her shoulders in a protective envelope. They lay that way, silently enjoying each other, until they both fell into a serene sleep.

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Chapter 25

    The first thing Liz noticed as she slowly awoke was the bright sunlight shining through her closed eyelids. The next thing she noticed as she lay on her side was the warmth and weight of a body pressing against her back and an arm thrown across her shoulders. As she opened her eyes, the third thing she realized was that she was where she was supposed to be. A glowing smile spread across her face as she stretched her body like a cat.
    Oded felt her move, and came awake himself. He inhaled deeply and flexed his body, his joints cracking. His arm tightened around her, giving her a hug. He kissed her on the shoulder blade softly and said, “Morning.”
    Liz rolled over in his embrace to face him. She casually threw a leg over his hips, bringing him into her territory. “Morning,” she replied. She brushed a lock of curly hair away from his face.
    “So, are you going to fix me those eggs this morning?” she asked, the smile still on her face. She couldn’t have wiped it off to save her life. He raised an eyebrow to her aboutface attitude and returned her smile.
    “This is certainly a change from last time,” he said.
    She slowly traced the line of his beard along his jawline to his chin, admiring it.
    “Yup,” she replied simply.
    He chuckled and drew his hand back to throw back the covers. “Ok, that’s a deal.”
    Quickly she grasped him with her leg and a hand around his wrist. “Wait a minute!”
    He turned back to her and rolled into her embrace. “What?”
    “Maybe just one more slow bout of lovemaking,” she proposed.
    Oded’s smile turned into a grin. “Now that’s definitely a deal.”


    THE END