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CHAPTER 5
Susana looked at him and sighed softly. He seemed so relaxed when he was sleeping, yet she still could see a light wrinkle on his forehead revealing his inner tension. Traces of tiredness were evident in his handsome face and a sudden wave of tenderness hit her, filling her heart with force. She still was next to the window. She had been for three hours now. She had refused to speak again with him and now she regretted the distance she had put between them. But it had to be that way. He had tried several times to approach her but she had dismissed him with coldness and he had left her alone. And now, she found herself looking at him achingly. She approached the bed and sat slowly next to him, trying to clear her thoughts. She could hardly explain what her feelings were because although she could not understand how, when or why, she knew that she felt something for that unknown man.
An ironic and crooked smile played at her lips. For a moment, she wished they both had met under different circumstances. But sometimes, life played dirty with people. And she was sure that if not for the terrorist attack she wouldn’t be in the U.S. right now and, of course, she wouldn’t have met a man like Frank Donovan. Had she met him in another place, at any other time...perhaps she would have tried a move on him. She hadn’t met many men in her life, but she had enjoyed every relationship she had had. Well...more or less. However, she could sense that Frank Donovan would be a man difficult to forget, a man who could give her something that other men could not. There was something about his hard appearance that intrigued, fascinated and infuriated her.
Her stomach growled and she groaned realizing that she hadn’t eaten anything since the morning. In fact, none of them had eaten anything since the light breakfast. Leaving the comfortable bed she approached the door and opened it cautiously. The cops guarding the room’s door looked at her immediately.
“Please, we are hungry,” she said. “Would you mind bringing something for us? We have eaten nothing since...”
“Of course,” said one of the cops. “What would you like?”
“Anything,” answered Susana as another growl of her stomach sounded clearly. “And please, I’d like a bottle of whiskey too, if that’s possible. If it is not, then a good bottle of red wine would be great.”
The cop in charge of bringing the food arched an eyebrow and nodded with a soft smile playing at his lips. Whiskey? Surely she would need a strong drink when all those men that were waiting in the lobby for almost an hour, came up to her room. “I will see what I can do,” he assured her, nodding. “Now, close the door and remain in your room. O.K.?”
Susana almost grinned and closed the door carefully, trying not to make any noise. She returned slowly to the bed and checked on Frank; he was soundly asleep and this time, she could not hide a pleased smile. The poor man also needed a rest. He was going to go on holiday when she had arrived there with her problems so she could imagine how frustrated and exhausted he should be. Just like she had been when everything around her had collapsed into total chaos. She frowned and sat again next to him on the soft bed, thinking about the days after the attack. Everything was so confusing and unnerving. However, now she could remember clearly every detail of those days. Seven months had passed since that terrible day but now she was able to remember every sound, every smell, every feeling. She could even see with her mind’s eye some unknown faces that, in a certain way, were all too familiar. Damn it! Everything seemed to be so clear for her... yet the authorities were determined to complicate the whole matter.
Without realizing her movements, at least not in a conscious way, Susana lay on the bed next to Frank and her mind travelled once again to her country. After the emotional meeting with her parents, things had slowed down a bit and she had found that all her preconceived ideas about terrorism, justice, police, security and judges were wrong. She was the only person who had recognised Aitor and his friend and could place them at the scene of the attack. After that, she was not allowed to be alone anymore. The secret police took her to a security house and she lost all contact with her family. It had to be that way but she felt like an animal in a cage.
After her statement, the Spanish and French police had arrested Aitor and Hakim in the Pyrenees. They were trying to cross the border but both countries were used to working together in situations like that and the operation was a success. Aitor and Hakim were transferred to Madrid, to the National Court, where Judge Baltasar Garzón was waiting for them. That man had spent the last few years working hard on ETA and their environment; their financial and political support, their own device of propaganda including magazines and newspapers, their connections with other terrorist groups not only in Europe but all over the world. It was well known by Spanish people that ETA used to make use of some terrorist training camps in Libya, Algeria, and other hidden places in the Sahara. Perhaps Hakim belonged to a fundamentalist Islamic group that also trained in those camps. Perhaps.
Two days later, Garzón decried a secret summary. The arrival of two representatives from the American authorities confirmed the worst. Hakim belonged to Al Qaeda and it was more than possible that ETA had a connection with them. Of what kind they didn’t know but it was crystal clear now. The Americans had linked the Arab terrorist with the last attacks and they wanted to be in charge of his custody and future trial. But the Spanish Government had found a valuable witness who had recognised them both, and they would not lose their opportunity to convict Aitor Aritzabaleta. Hakim would also be judged in Spain as a co-author of the terrible attack.
Susana twisted on the bed till she found a more comfortable position. Frank did not move and she relaxed next to him. She could feel the heat emanating from his body, his strength, his calm and slow breath. Frowning with annoyance by the course of her thoughts, she forced herself to think again about her BIG problem. Was there ever a time, during the past long months, when both governments had thought about the victims rather than themselves and their political interests? She didn’t know and she didn’t want to think about it. At that moment, all that she wanted was to set an arrangement with both governments, an arrangement that satisfied all of them and then, if everything turned out right, to recover control of her life.
She sighed tiredly and instinctively curled up against Frank’s body. It felt so right. He felt so right... Suddenly, he shifted slowly and his strong body tilted to one side till his arm was wrapped securely around her waist. Susana caught her breath and her body tensed unbearably. He didn’t move anymore and finally she allowed herself to relax and enjoy his nearness as a jewel to treasure in her future dreams.
***
He could smell her again and, secretly, he delighted in the feeling of her body between his arms. Her scent washed over him like a loving and tender cloud of reassurance and he opened his dark eyes to look at her beautiful face. She seemed so young when she was sleeping, so relaxed and calm, so unaware of the danger her life was in. Frank realized that it had been six months since the last time he had slept with a woman. And the lovely one that lay next to him now hadn’t even had had sex with him. For a second, he wondered what it would be to have sex with Susana. For a second...
He sighed tiredly again, trying to keep quiet and not awaken her. Once again he wondered how the hell that woman had managed to change his mood in barely a few hours. His life was harsh, dangerous and empty; lately, he had been filling it with some nice moments in the company of his team... but it was not enough. And it would never be. He needed something. Something that he was not ready to admit to, not even to accept, and least of all to share with somebody else. When he had joined the FBI he had known that it wasn’t going to be an easy road to go. Countless painful, dangerous and difficult situations had crossed his road testing unmercifully his own resistance. And he was left with no option. Carefully, slowly and patiently, he had built a wall of insensitivity around him leaving no crack, no pore for anything to get through.
Frank Donovan wasn’t an easy man to deal with. His work undercover in the Department of Justice had become a welcome chance to change his past line of work. He could mask an operation easily. He could work undercover to catch a murderer or an organized gang, although it was not easier than protecting a witness under death threat or negotiating the release of some hostage. However, he didn’t get emotionally involved with anyone in this kind of operation and it was safer for his own feelings. He could handle his job in his “agent mode.” He was not so sure about his “man mode” and he was not prepared to let it be touched. He would not risk his own sanity.
He heard a soft knock on the room’s door and frowned. Reluctantly, he left the bed as quietly as possible to not disturb her and approached the door carefully, taking his gun from his holster.
“Who is it?” he asked.
“Its Ralph Malone, Agent Donovan,” said one of the cops. “Ms. Puchades asked for some food.”
Frank opened the door and the young police officer entered the room carrying a loaded tray of food, a bottle of red wine and a bottle of whiskey. He left the tray on the table by the window and left the room quickly, always followed by Frank’s stern look.
“Agent Donovan.” The young officer stopped at the door and looked at Frank hesitantly.
“Yes?”
“They’re here,” Ralph said. “I mean, the...the representatives from both governments. They arrived two hours ago.”
Frank looked at him and then at the sleeping form on the bed. “Thank you, Agent Malone,” he said nodding.
“Anytime, Agent Donovan.”
Frank closed the door and frowned, scratching his trimmed beard thoughtfully. What the hell was taking them so long? What the hell were they planning? Did they even realize that a human being’s life was involved in a dangerous game?
“No,” he answered his own question. “As long as this life is not theirs, they never realize.”
“What is it?” Her soft voice washed over him and he jumped slightly. Damn it! She had an effect on him! It had to be her Spanish blood. Too bold for her own sake! He looked at her and smiled ruefully. It had been a long time since a woman’s voice had made him jump, and it had been a long time since a woman had read his mood so easily.
“Our food is here,” he answered carefully. He wanted her back. He wouldn’t stand her coldness once again so he decided to make her smile. He hadn’t been able to see her smile, damn it! “Will you allow me to serve your food, Madame?” he asked arching an eyebrow.
Susana frowned and left the bed cautiously. What was he doing? Was he trying to lighten the mood between them? She decided to play his game and enjoy her time with him. A soft smile played at her lips and she approached him graciously.
“Well, of course,” she said looking at him with sparkling eyes. “You are a gentleman, Agent Donovan.” Frank took her hand and led her to the table, helping her to sit down.
“I would tell you that I am anything but a gentleman, Susana,” he said with a husky voice. “But it will be my pleasure to serve you dinner. Will you have a glass of wine?”
“Yes, thank you,” she said enjoying his attention. Then, unable to contain herself, she grinned mischievously. “It seems that you have a date, Frank.”
He grinned and sat in front of her nodding. “It seems that you also have a date, Susana.”
She laughed, delighted, and her eyes nailed his with a strange shine. “I haven’t had a date in ages,” she confessed.
Frank arched an eyebrow again. “You must be joking,” he said pouring wine for both of them. “You are a beautiful woman, Susana.”
She blushed and sighed. “I am not sure about that, Agent Donovan. But...but I’ve been out of... well I have been... Hell, I have been too busy to think about dating anyone!”
Frank chuckled and his dark, deep brown eyes reflected his soul. “I have been too busy too,” he admitted.
“It is my fault, isn’t it?” she asked averting her eyes for a second. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Don’t think about it, Susana,” the stillness of his voice made her look at him. “Don’t you dare to go down that road because I’m not going to allow it. I’m here because I want...”
“You are here because you are paying a favour to a friend.”
Frank gave her an accommodating look and shook his head. “I was paying a favour to Pete, you’re right. But now I’m trying to help you,” he admitted. “I am here to guide you if you allow me to do so, to give you some advice, to give you my support and my...”
“Why?” she cut him off for the umpteenth time, frowning with incredulity. “Why do you want to help me, Frank? People aren’t as unselfish as you pretend to be.”
“I pretend nothing,” he refuted. Then he sighed tiredly and rubbed his temples one more time closing his beautiful dark eyes.
“Look,” he began. “What do you think if we forget all this shit and enjoyed dinner? We both need a break.”
Susana averted her eyes feeling miserable. Who did she think she was? He was trying to help her. Why was it so difficult to believe? His eyes were telling the truth. He pretended nothing but to lessen her pain and fear, for God’s sake!
“I am sorry, Frank,” she whispered closing her eyes. “You don’t deserve my bad temper, least of all my ungrateful attitude. It’s difficult for me to believe your words because it’s difficult for me to believe anyone’s words after so many... after so many lies and deceits. Please, forgive me.”
Frank took her trembling hand between his and squeezed it tightly. “There’s nothing to forgive. I understand. Now...what about our date?”
Susana opened her eyes and saw Frank’s arched eyebrows. She couldn’t contain her smile and nodded with relief. “What do we have here?” she asked looking hungrily at the food. “My, my. That guy is really efficient. Red wine and whiskey!”
“Can I suppose that you had something to do with it?” Frank teased.
“Of course, Agent Donovan,” she answered, her eyes shining with amusement. “I come from Spain, do you remember? We love a good bottle of red wine. Rioja, Ribeiro, Cariñena...”
“O.K., O.K.!” Frank raised his hands in a defeated gesture. “I have tasted the Spanish wine and I know it’s good.”
“Very good,” Susana pointed out. “As good as our food. Do you know Spanish food? Paella...”
“Enough!” Frank cut her off with mock fury. “I like Paella and I like Sangría, but right now this is everything we have,” he looked at the potato salad and smiled at her. “Perhaps you can imagine that it is Paella?”
They looked at each other for several seconds trying not to burst out laughing, but neither of them succeeded.
“Nah!,” Susana exclaimed making an ugly face. “When we get out of here, I’ll show you how to cook the perfect Paella. This Spanish dish belongs to my homeland and I can assure you that you will not find a better place to eat Paella all over my country. That’s it!”
Frank watched her delighted face and relaxed. She was going to succeed. She had to! For now, he contented himself with having her next to him ‘enjoying’ their dinner and forgetting her troubles for a while.
***
Frank sat on the chair and closed his eyes resting his head on the high and comfortable back. She had a sweet voice, with just a little bit of huskiness, and he still could not believe that he had got her to sing a beautiful song for him. He didn’t understand a word but he could almost feel what she was saying, she was so expressive.
si tú no estás aquí, me sobra el aire. if you are not here, there is too much air for me.
No puedo estar así I cannot be like this
si tú no estás aquí, la gente se hace nadie. if you are not here, people become nobody.
Si tú no estás aquí, If you are not here,I don’t know
no sé qué diablos hago amándote. what the hell am I doing loving you.
Si tú no estás aquí, sabrás, If you are not here, you will know,
que Dios no va a entender porqué te vas. that God isn’t going to understand
why are you leaving.)
They had almost finished the potato salad but the red wine had prevented them from doing it. They had talked about their past in a friendly way. Frank hadn’t said too much about his line of work and Susana hadn’t asked. She had talked about her childhood, always keeping her tongue tied about details, dates and names, following Frank’s orders. And both of them had enjoyed the company, the friendly mood and the strange, welcome intimacy of the room. If only they could spend the rest of the night like this...
Someone knocked at the door and Frank jumped from the chair looking at her. She gasped with shock and her eyes looked at his with fear. Instinctively, she approached him and took his hand.
“They’re here,” she whispered.
“Yes, they are,” he said squeezing her hand trying to reassure her again.
Their eyes locked speaking volumes and their arms raised, almost on their own accord, holding each other for dear life. Frank embraced her slender body tightly and she buried her face in the crook of his neck breathing in his scent desperately.
“Help me,” she whispered again. “Please, help me to find my way.”
“Always, Susana,” he said closing his eyes. “Always.”
Another knock on the door and both of them regained their composure. Frank took his gun again and Susana stood next to him, wanting to keep some nearness.
“Who is it?”
“Frank, it’s Pete,” said the federal agent. “We’re ready.”
Frank opened the door carefully and Pete McPherson entered the room once more. This time, however, he was not the only one. Susana gasped with surprise when she recognised the Spanish Government’s representative and she approached him immediately, ignoring Pete’s reproachful look.
“Señor Aceves? No le esperaba a usted,” (“Mr. Aceves? I wasn’t expecting you.”) she said in her native language, sternly but with unmistakable relief. “Debo ser muy importante. Una pieza importante en su constante lucha contra el terrorismo de ETA en nuestro país.” (“I must be very important. An important part in your constant fight against ETA’s terrorism in our country.”)
Angel Aceves, Minister of Internal Affairs, looked at her and smiled softly.
“Usted sabe que lo es,” (“You know that you are.”) he admitted. “Perhaps it would be better to speak in English?”
“Of course,” she agreed.
Her eyes regarded every man in the room with piercing curiosity and Frank hid a smile when some of them couldn’t stand her intense look. “Indeed she’s bold,” he thought. “She’s a shameless little one.”
“Well,” Pete McPherson called everybody’s attention with his sticky voice. “We can start with the matter.”
Susana looked at him quizzically but kept quiet while he introduced her to Max Lorenz and Lewis Flint, the US Government’s representatives. She shook hands with them and looked at Frank seeking reassurance. He nodded with a smile and she sat on the chair clasping her hands in front of her.
“Well,” Angel Aceves began and started to pace the room impatiently. “We all know what we are doing here.” He stopped abruptly, scratching his chin and frowning. “The question is, for how long?” His little brown eyes pierced the girl’s and his cold patented smiled showed his big white teeth. “Now, Susana, what are your requests? What are your conditions? What do you want from us?”
“I want my life back,” was her simple answer.
Pete McPherson snorted and Angel Aceves frowned at him with a disgusting look. However, his eyes softened and an understanding smile filled his face when he looked at her once again. “I’m afraid that’s not possible,” he said softly.
“I know,” Susana admitted. “But I had to ask.”
Angel chuckled and Susana’s eyes sparkled with complicity. Pete McPherson frowned impatiently and Max Lorenz approached her with an unreadable expression all over his face.
“Please, listen to me, Ms. Puchades,” he requested coldly. “We have to reach an agreement as soon as possible. We cannot wait for your readiness to negotiate. You’ll have to accept ours and your government’s conditions or else...”
“Or else what, Mr. Lorenz?” Susana’s look turned into a menacing one and Frank tensed immediately, his eyes going from one man to another looking for some sort of threat towards her.
“Or else...” tried Lewis Flint.
“Or else nothing,” she finished, standing from the chair. Her words sounded firm and secure when she started to explain her conditions. Her big dark eyes nailed Frank’s for a second and she found his support and his strength. “This is what I want. I want to come back to Spain to testifying against Aitor and Hakim. My country’s been waiting for too long to put that damned guy into jail. I don’t really mind what happens to Hakim, you know, but I understand your requests none the less because Spanish people know very well what is to live under a terrorist threat.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “We know it too well, damn it! So, when everything is settled in my country, I’ll be glad to come back here to testifying against Hakim. And don’t you dare try to make a new life for me! I don’t want it and I don’t need it! I surely can change my habits, I...I would even leave my homeland if necessary but...but I am what I am.” She averted her eyes again and a shiver ran down her spine. She frowned and with nervous hands tried to fix her unruly hair. “I am Laura Fuster, a simple stockbroker. I don’t need too many things to be happy. I only need to be myself. Do you understand me? Does it make any sense?”
Frank approached her immediately and his warm, soft and caring arm came around her shoulders squeezing her to him tightly.
A cold and deathly silence followed her words, and she felt once again as if her whole world collapsed unmercifully around her. Her wary eyes focused on Angel Aceves, Max Lorenz, Lewis Flint and finally, Pete McPherson. All of them seemed to be thinking carefully about her words, but a sudden feeling of failure made its way to her heart and she grieved over her lost life.
“Por supuesto que tiene sentido... Laura.” (“Of course it does make sense... Laura.”) Angel was the first to speak. “But...but we aren’t sure about the...advisability of keeping your true identity. You must understand that we can’t take any needless risk. You are too important, for all of us. We need your testimony to put our hands on those guys, you know. Besides, the things are changing in Spain and it’s only a matter of time to get Batasuna illegal, so...”
“What?” His words shook her to the core. “I didn’t know it. I...here...well, I wasn’t aware of these events. So, our parliament has definitely put an end to that...that shit? Batasuna has been ETA’s political arm since the beginning and now... now they’re going FINALLY to be declared illegal? Well... Thank’s God!”
Angel Aceves chuckled and nodded. He could understand perfectly her evident relief.
“That’s right,” he said.
“I suppose that now...well, I’m sure that this kind of action will bring a new wave of terrorist attacks...” She left her sentence hanging on the air and Angel didn’t bother to finish it.
“We’ll do everything in our power to avoid it,” he said noncommittally.
“This is bullshit!” Pete McPherson was livid.
“Shut up!” growled Lorenz and Flint looking at him, frowning as if he were a piece of something disgusting. “We accept your conditions on this matter...Laura,” continued Max Lorenz softly. “But we also agree with Mr. Aceves. It is too dangerous for all of us to allow you to use your own identity. We need you alive.”
“Maybe Mr. Donovan can talk to you. Maybe he can make you understand more easily what kind of changes would be required?” Angel suggested.
Laura looked at Frank and he gave her a reassuring smile. He had been so quiet during the whole exchange, yet she had felt his powerful presence every second. She wondered what his opinion on the issue was and suddenly she realized how important it was for her to know what his way of thinking was. Perhaps Angel Aceves was right. She needed a talk with Frank. She was sure that whatever his opinion was, it would be intelligent and honest. No tricks, no games, no lies.
“I’ll listen to Frank,” she accepted. “Tomorrow morning I’ll have my answer for you.”
“That’s fair enough.” Max Lorenz and Lewis Flint nodded and approached the room’s door waiting for Angel Aceves patiently. Pete McPherson went with them without believing what had just transpired.
“Is there anything you need, Laura?” Angel asked. “The Spanish Embassy...”
“I’m fine, sir. Thank you,” she assured him. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Entonces, hasta mañana” (“Then, until tomorrow.”) He nodded to her and looked at Frank Donovan with growing curiosity. A little smile played at his lips when he approached his colleagues and all of them left the room.
Frank and Laura were all alone again. And they had to talk. About too many things, perhaps.
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New Life – Chapter 6