Old Flames

      Kathy made her way up the sidewalk to Oded’s condo on legs that felt as unfamiliar as stilts. She felt like she was watching a movie, and there was nothing she could do to change the outcome. Someone else was in control of her life. Her body moved of its own volition. Part of her mind was yammering at her to turn around and leave, that she knew this was a bad idea, nothing good could come of it. She heard it, but couldn’t heed it. Her briefcase dragged on her shoulder. She didn’t even bother bringing her clipboard or reading the work order. It didn’t matter. It was just stage dressing, and she knew it.
      She knocked on his door and waited, feeling like a robot under remote control. Oded opened the door and smiled at her. “Hi, Kathy!” he greeted warmly. Her heart skipped a beat at his smile, but that was her only reaction. The rest of her was still numb.
      “Hi, Oded,” she returned quietly as she stepped into the foyer. “What’s the problem?” she asked, as if she really cared. But it was part of the script, and she couldn’t deviate from it.
      He turned around and led her to the office, explaining as he went. “I got some sort of weird error the other day when I turned it on. Something about a keyboard problem, and it wouldn’t go any further. I had to just turn it off again.” She watched his body move and listened to his voice, that distinctive accent so soothing. She was still numb, and his presence didn’t physically hurt her like it had before. Peculiar.
      She walked up to the computer, laid her briefcase on the desk again, and sat in the leather office chair. Her mind was still off on vacation. She pushed the power button and waited, sitting bolt upright. Oded stood behind her, his life force like a weight on her shoulders.
      The computer did indeed give her a keyboard error, and she knew what the problem was right away. She turned it off, then stood up and leaned over the back of the CPU, plugging the keyboard cable back in. Then she sat down again and turned the machine on again. She waited and watched it power up. She wondered briefly if he intentionally unplugged the keyboard or if it was an accident, and decided that it didn’t matter.
      As the computer ran through it’s startup routine, she felt Oded bending over, getting closer to her. She could feel the movement of the air around her, and it stirred the hairs on the back of her neck. She knew what was going to happen. It was preordained. She felt his warm breath caress her skin a split second before the softness of his lips pressed against her neck. The instant their bodies made contact, her numbness was gone. She was fully awake now. She had been playing with a piece of paper that was lying on his desk, and her hand clenched in a spasm, crumpling it. Her entire body stiffened, thrumming with electricity.
      As he placed soft kisses along her neck and under her ear, she managed to release her grip on the paper and reach up, tangling her fingers in his soft hair. It was cool and slightly damp, as if he had gotten out of the shower not too long ago. She groaned as all the emotions she had been dealing with came roaring forward once again. All she wanted was him. Nothing else mattered. He ran his hands over her shoulders and down her arms, his left following to meet hers that lay in his hair, to meet and entwine his fingers with her own.
      Kathy slowly stood, never breaking contact with him. She turned, pulling away from him briefly, and walked around the chair as if in a daze. She stepped back toward him, into his space. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him, taking possession of her. She snaked her arms around his neck as he lowered his head to hers and kissed her passionately. They both inhaled deeply as adrenaline was dumped into their bloodstreams. Kathy felt her heart skip a beat, then begin beating double time. Oded slipped his warm tongue into her mouth, then began to plunder it almost frantically, on the verge of being painful as he released the tight rein on five years of emotions. She responded by pressing her body against his, rubbing, making her jeans chafe her deliciously. He groaned into her mouth and crushed her to him with his arms, his body almost quivering.
      Oded began walking backwards, bringing her with him, leading them toward the bedroom. She followed eagerly. She began tugging at his t-shirt as they made their way, pulling it from the waistband of his jeans. He released his grip on her long enough for her to pull it over his head, then let it fall to the floor. She watched the muscles of his torso flex as he moved his arms, and her mouth began to water. She couldn’t help but reach out and touch him. She marveled at the softness of his skin, overlaying his hard muscles. She tore her eyes away from his body and back up to his face. The intensity of the emotions in his eyes enthralled her and scared her at the same time. She thought he might burn her.
      She picked up the kiss where they left off, relishing the taste of his mouth once again. That song played briefly in her mind, like a radio signal: I can’t forget the taste of your mouth. Her emotions sent shivers down her spine, they were so strong. She still had a little tickle in the back of her head, telling her what she already knew, that she shouldn’t be doing this. But the feeling that this was right, that it was meant to be, drowned it out. She felt as if she had been teleported back five years. She was with her love, and that was all that mattered. Nothing had ever felt so wrong and so right at the same time.
      As they continued on their path toward the bedroom, Oded brought his hands up and began unbuttoning her shirt eagerly. His hands were trembling. Kathy noticed this and chuckled lightly, glad that he was feeling the same way she was. The air was full of electricity.
      He impatiently slid her shirt off her shoulders and dropped it to the floor. Her bra quickly followed. They reached the side of the bed and stopped. Oded trailed nips and kisses down her throat, leaving a moist trail behind him. He made his way down to her breasts where he inhaled a nipple into his warm mouth, creating an almost painful suction, then twirled his tongue around it. It quickly rose to the attention. Kathy entwined her hands in his full dark hair and watched him. It seemed unreal to see him at her body after all these years, yet so familiar. She let her head fall back and closed her eyes, taking pleasure in what he was doing to her.
      Oded slowly meandered back up again, placing a kiss in the hollow of her throat, her chin, then back to her mouth again, thrusting his tongue deeply and groaning. His arms slid around her, his hands slipping down and clutching her ass, pressing his erection against her, wanting desperately to be inside her. She could feel his emotions wash over her, and she responded with her own. She pulled away from his body enough that she could bring her hands to him, caressing him. She traced her fingertips over his nipples, feeling them harden, then over the hills and valleys of his abs, then through the patch of dark curls that trailed teasingly from his bellybutton down underneath his waistband, then over his erection, relishing the feel of it, the promise. She heard him inhale deeply and smiled against his mouth.
      Kathy unbuttoned his worn jeans and pushed them and his underwear down over his slim hips, far enough down to where he could kick them off. She brought her hands back up over the backs of his thighs, then over the tight muscles of his ass, feeling the fine hairs there. Oded brought his own hands around to the front of her jeans and quickly shed her of the rest of her clothes.
      The anticipation was almost too much for the both of them. Kathy wanted him so badly that her entire body throbbed in rhythm with her heartbeat. She looked at his naked body, admiring him unabashedly. She gazed into his eyes and was entranced. She bent her knees and lowered herself onto the bed, spreading herself for him. She watched his jaw muscles twitch as his craving for her flashed across his face. He knelt on the bed and made his way over to her, laying his body on top of hers. She savored the weight of him, the warmth of him on top of her, bringing back more memories, flashes of all the times they had made love. He settled himself between her legs, and she could feel the pressure of his erection straining against her inner thigh. She ran her hands over his back and shoulders, urging him on, silently pleading with him as he trailed kisses over her throat.
      His hand meandered down her body, light as a feather, around the underswell of her breast, down her side, along the curve of her hip, then slipping between her legs. He sent an exploratory finger into her, stroking her boldly. Her breath caught at the welcome invasion, then was exhaled in a rush. She cocked her hips toward him further, giving him greater access. He groaned against her throat, feeling her yearning. She felt his finger withdraw and be replaced with the velvety tip of his erection. She had a moment of exquisite anticipation, waiting, then he sank into her, filling that empty void inside of her. They both groaned their satisfaction, the fulfillment of their destinies. She wrapped her legs around him, fully enveloping his body with her own. She caressed his ass with her hands, feeling his muscles work as he moved within her, creating an incredible friction.
      Kathy marveled at the sight of Oded making love to her. She raised her hands and ran her fingers through his dark curls, remembering their softness. She trailed them all over his body, recalling every contour. Her fingers found and remembered the small ridge of scar along his bicep, the result of falling off his bike as a small child. That small scar brought home the reality of her Oded lying on top of her, his body inside of hers. No one else in the world had that same scar. All of her joy and desire and pain were amplified, and tears filled her eyes with the power of them. She felt their orgasms quickly start to build, their bodies in sync. Oded’s breath gusted against her skin in warm bursts, occasionally punctuated by a deep groan. There was no delaying the inevitable, and she slid her hands down to clutch his ass, adding her own strength to his thrusts. He responded by raising himself up on his hands, using all of his power to drive deep into her, his teeth clenched in effort. Soon Kathy felt her orgasm hit her like a shotgun blast, freezing her body. She called out his name an instant before her breath was locked in her throat and heard him respond the same. As his own climax arrived, he continued thrusting into her, making her orgasm wash over her in waves. He gave one final drive, sinking to the hilt. She felt him spasm as he impelled his warm seed into her, and she felt complete.
      Their bodies froze, still as statues, until their orgasms released them. Oded collapsed, his arms trembling from exhaustion, laying his head in the crook of her neck and panting heavily. Kathy’s body tingled from head to toe, her mind spinning from lack of oxygen. She felt her tears continue to course down her face, over her temples, and into her hair. She couldn’t seem to stop crying. She felt wetness on her neck by his face and assumed they were her tears until he raised his head to kiss her, and she noticed the tears in his own eyes. That understanding made her heart squeeze painfully, realizing he felt the same as she did.
      They lay that way, placing soft kisses on the other’s body until they recuperated. When they finally had, Oded withdrew from her slowly, leaving her with that empty feeling. He rolled over onto his back and sighed. As the cool air hit her body where the warmth of his had been a minute ago, the awareness of what they had done dawned on her. This was not fog-shrouded London, it was Santa Monica. The history of the last five years came back to her. She remembered where her life was supposed to lie, with Brad. Her guilt and shame overshadowed her other feelings, making her heart ache with the knowledge. She felt immobilized.
      Oded, realizing she hadn’t followed him, rolled back over onto his side and propped up on one elbow, his head lying on his hand. His other hand strolled lazily across her stomach, back and forth. Now his touch was painful again, as it had been before.
      “Sorry that had to be so quick,” he said with a slow smile. “Next time we’ll be more methodical.”
      Kathy quickly sat up, threw her legs over the side of the bed, and placed her head in her hands. She wanted more than anything for that to happen, but it couldn’t.
      “I don’t think there will be a next time,” she replied, her voice muffled by her hands. She felt the bed move as he sat up next to her.
      “What do you mean?” he asked. She could hear the apprehension in his voice.
      “This shouldn’t have happened.”
      He was quiet for a moment, perhaps guessing what she was going to say. “Why not?” he asked suspiciously.
      She took a deep breath. “Because I am living with someone.”
      There was dead silence in the room. She could hear the muted buzz of the digital clock on his nightstand and a few cars driving by outside. She couldn’t look at him. The moment seemed to stretch out for eternity.
      Nothing.
      And more nothing.
      Finally Kathy lowered her hands and threw a tentative glance toward him. What she saw on his face made her wince. Hurt, anger, and love were at war in his eyes. She had never seen them so dark. She turned away from them.
      “What’s his name?” he asked quietly.
      She looked at him again a little longer, trying to gauge his reaction. “Does it really matt-?” she started, but he interrupted her.
      “What’s his name?” he repeated.
      She sighed and looked down at her hands. “Brad.”
      More heavy silence.
      “Do you love him?”
      A moment’s hesitation, then “Yes.”
      Silence.
      A little louder, he said sarcastically, “It would have been nice to know that before this happened.”
      She snapped her head around to look at him, shaken by the anger in his voice. Oded got up and began putting on his underwear and jeans, moving in quick jerks, accentuating his anger. He continued. “I assumed since you didn’t say anything beforehand that you weren’t seeing anyone, much less living with someone.” He shot her another smoldering look. He finished dressing and just stood there, his arms folded across his bare chest, looking down on her.
      Kathy’s own anger flared up in reaction to his own, and she stood up and began gathering her own clothes, putting them on. She found herself trying to cry again, and she choked the emotion down. She matched his eyes with her own blue ones. “It’s not like I planned any of this!” she threw back loudly.
      That got through his anger, and she watched it drain from his face, leaving only his unhappiness. Her own hostility went with it. She watched his shoulders slump, and she hated it. She remembered all too well the last time he looked like that. She stepped toward him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He opened his crossed arms and followed suit, bringing one of his large hands up into her hair as she laid her head on his chest. She felt exactly as she had that day at the airport five years ago. She had never hated anything that much and wished for none of this to have happened.
      “I’m sorry, Oded,” she said softly.
      He was silent again for a moment.
      “What do you want to do?” he finally asked.
      The question made her stop and think. “I-I don’t know.”
      She pulled away from him and slowly finished putting on her clothes. He watched her as she went back into the office and gathered her briefcase, then followed her as she walked slowly to the foyer. Both of them were silent.
      She stopped at the front door, trying to think of what to say. He stood in front of her and looked at her. “I don’t want to lose you again, Kathy,” he said out of the blue. That statement made her heart wrench, and she felt her tears threaten again. She put her hand over her mouth, trying to keep them in. When he realized he wasn’t going to get a response, he walked over to the table against the wall and pulled open a small drawer, revealing a pad of paper and a few mismatched pens. He scribbled his phone number on the pad, tore the piece of paper loose, and handed it to her. She took it with a trembling hand.
      “Let me know what you want to do, ok?” he asked softly. His eyes matched his voice, and it made leaving all the harder. She simply nodded, opened the door, and left.

      Kathy heard the front door open and Brad return about three hours later. She laid in bed, stiff as a board, any number of terrible ideas running through her head as to where he might have gone. His footsteps came down the dark hallway and entered the bedroom. She watched him wordlessly, afraid to say anything. She had never seen him so angry and hurt. He walked around to his side of the bed and grabbed his pillow. Then he opened the closet door and pulled down a blanket from the top shelf. He turned around and looked at her. She sat up in bed, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, trying to protect herself from his gaze.
      “Brad, I-,” she started.
      He held up his hand. “Don’t,” he said firmly. “I don’t even want to talk to you right now.” The anger in his voice made her start to cry. She hated the fact that her actions had caused his anger and hurt. She hated what she had done to him. She sat silently, accepting his punishment.
      “The only thing I have to say is that you need to make up your mind. I won’t beg you to stay, or try to win some stupid contest between him and me. This is all up to you. Just let me know what you want to do.” With that he left the bedroom, not giving her a chance to answer. His words impaled her heart. They were the same exact words Oded had spoken. A few minutes later she heard the creak of springs as he pulled the hideaway bed out of the couch. She rolled over onto her side, still curled up in a ball, and cried herself to sleep.

      Kathy spent the next couple days trying to decide what she was going to do. She couldn’t believe how quickly her entire world had come crashing down around her ears. She realized how much life was like a house of cards, and that the slightest breeze could ruin their delicate balancing act. She tried to use her brain, trying to be logical, but it was difficult. She kept having flashes of Oded and the relationship they had five years ago. It had been wonderful, but it had also been a long time ago. People could change a lot in five years. It had also been a summer affair. Maybe the fact that they had known it would end with the arrival of fall made what they felt even greater. Like the charm of a flower, its beauty was amplified by its brevity. It seemed almost surrealistic, like a dream, after being with Brad. Brad was reality. And she didn’t want to ruin her reality by chasing after a dream.

      She decided that she needed to confide in someone. This was too big of a problem to try and solve on her own. She called up her friend Staci and asked her to go out to dinner to talk. Staci could tell that something was wrong, but Kathy deferred explaining anything until she saw her.
      They met the following night at a local Mexican restaurant. As soon as Staci saw Kathy she knew something was seriously wrong. Kathy was pale and haggard; her mouth seemed drawn in a permanent frown. There were shadows under her eyes from lack of sleep.
      Kathy made her wait until they had ordered so that the waiter would not interrupt them. She only wanted to say this once. She wasn’t even sure she could say it out loud until she opened her mouth.
      As soon as the waiter left with their menus, Staci looked at her expectantly. The silence was thick as Kathy tried to think of how to start. She decided to begin as she had with Brad.
      “I ran into someone that I haven’t seen in a long time.”
      Staci was silent, letting her pick her way through this painful admission.
      “Oded.”
      Staci’s eyes widened a little. “Oded? As in your old boyfriend Oded?”
      Kathy nodded.
      “Oh boy,” Staci commented.
      “It gets better.”
      Staci waited with a raised eyebrow.
      Kathy took a deep breath. “I slept with him.”
      She thought she could hear a thud as Staci’s jaw hit the table. There was silence as she absorbed this news.
      “Oh my god,” she finally blurted out. “What happened?”
      Kathy told her the whole story, starting with seeing him for the first time and concluding with Brad telling her to make a decision. By the time she had finished, the waiter had brought their meals. She looked at hers with no interest at all. Staci also ignored hers, amazed at all this information. She had always considered Kathy to be a sensible, stable person. She couldn’t believe that she of all people would do something like this. It was totally out of character.
      Finally she asked her, “So what are you going to do?”
      Kathy laughed bitterly. “That’s why I asked you to dinner. I don’t have a clue what to do.”
      Staci thought about it for a minute. “Well, all relationships have their rough spots, although sleeping with an old boyfriend isn’t a real great way to resolve them.”
      Kathy looked at her with a sour smile. “Ha ha, very funny.”
      Staci thought for a moment, then said, “I have a question for you.”
      “What?”
      She looked at her. “What were you thinking, letting Brad get into your purse when you had Oded’s number in there?”
      Kathy looked down at her meal, ashamed. “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I don’t remember thinking much of anything. His discovering it was a total shock to me.”
      Staci had her suspicions that Kathy had unconsciously set herself up to get caught as a way to solve the problem, like solving the Gordian knot by hacking through it with a sword, but kept silent.
      Staci continued. “Well, what do you want to do?”
      Kathy sighed. “I don’t know. On the one hand I have Brad, who is nice, and kind, and stable, and we have built up a great life together. We both like the same things, and we get along fine.” She cringed. “At least, we did.” She continued on, leaving that painful fact behind. “On the other hand I have Oded. I feel like a totally different person around him.” She thought about it for a minute. “He makes me feel like a woman.” She realized what she just said and brought her hands up her temples as if she had a headache. “God, that sounds like a cheap romance novel, but it’s true.” She went on. “We had a wonderful relationship a long time ago, and neither of us wanted it to end. Now I have a chance to start up that relationship again. But do I want to ruin a sure thing with Brad for a possible thing with Oded?”
      She looked at Staci. “What do you think I should do?”
      Staci thought about it for a moment. “What does your heart tell you to do?”
      Kathy tried to lighten the mood. “What the hell kind of Zen question is that? Why can’t you just tell me which guy to choose?”
      Staci smiled. “I’m afraid life doesn’t work that way,” she replied.
      “Ya, ya. I know.” Her thin smile faded. “My heart is confused.”
      They were silent for a while as Kathy struggled with the decision. They both tried to eat, neither one succeeding well. They mostly pushed their food around on their plates with their forks, rearranging it.
      Kathy dropped her fork on her plate, giving up. She got a determined look on her face. “I’m going to try to work things out with Brad. That’s who my life is with now. What Oded and I had was fantastic, but it was five years ago. People change a lot in five years.” Staci nodded, but looked a little worried. Kathy noticed the look. “What?” she asked.
      “Nothing,” Staci replied. “If that’s what your heart tells you, go for it.”
      “That’s what my heart is telling me,” she reiterated firmly.

      With that decision firmly made, she tried to salvage her relationship with Brad. It was extremely painful to be around him. They paced around each other, silent as two alley cats. She tried to close the chasm between them, tentatively touching his arm once in a while or murmuring a soft word. She thought she was making headway, but it felt like water eroding stone. The fact of her guilt lay unburied between them like a corpse, ever reminding them of its presence. They spent the weekend being homebodies, trying to get over what had happened. They got a little closer, and the iciness between them slowly began to melt. Neither one of them even entertained the idea of making love. That act was too close to the bone. Just the thought of it reminded both of them of what she and Oded had done, tainting any possibilities. However she got him to smile a few times, and even kiss once or twice, and that lightened her heart.

      At the end of the day, Kathy came back to the shop to finish up her paperwork. She had decided during the day to ignore Oded’s attempts, hoping he would get the message and give up. But she should have known better. She threw her briefcase and clipboard on her workbench and noticed a bright yellow phone message. She saw his name and phone number on it, nothing else. All the communication she needed was in his name and those numbers, which she knew by heart by now, even though she had never used them. She quickly crumpled the note and threw it in the trash with the earlier card. She finished her paperwork, trying hard not to be conscious of the roses and failing miserably. She carelessly completed her job for the day and left, scurrying for the safety of her home where there were no reminders of Oded.

      The next morning she arrived to find more roses on her workbench, this time a dozen white ones. Kathy knew immediately the message he was trying to convey to her. She was unaware of the smile that the memory brought to her face.
      It was not long after the two of them started dating in London. They were quickly falling in love. Oded had had the chance to borrow his roommate’s car for the day, and he and Kathy decided to have a picnic out in the country. They had managed to find a secluded spot in the green rolling hills where they spent the afternoon. It was the first time they had made love. Kathy could almost smell the earthy scent of the loam, mixing with the musky scent of their act. She could almost feel his warm seed seep from her body after their love and pool on the soft cushiony moss beneath her as she lay in his embrace.
      Later, as dusk approached, they reluctantly ended their moment in time. On the drive home Oded spied a road stand from a local farm and pulled over. Being a poor college student in London, Oded had not been able to shower her with gifts. But he spent money he could not afford on three white roses for her. They were a little scraggly and had obviously been picked a few too many days ago, but the gesture was what counted. She had been showered with more extravagant presents than that, but none had meant as much. Until now.
      She came back to the present, and her smile faded. Her body was reacting to the memory. She felt her face flush and a shiver crawl down her spine from her awakened desire. She tried to dampen it, feeling guilty and ashamed once again. The feeling left her, but it went slowly.
      Kathy inhaled the scent of the roses, which mixed with the lavender ones. Their combined perfume permeated the entire area. She picked the card from the bouquet before she could consider what she was doing.
      “Please. Oded.”
      Her heart squeezed painfully. The fact that they could communicate so well with so few words even after five years disturbed her. The card jittered slightly with the trembling of her hand.
      “Boy, you must have had a really good weekend, Kathy,” Matt teased, smiling broadly. Kathy jumped and looked up at him, wrenched out of her thoughts. He had appeared out of nowhere, catching her off guard. His smile faded as he saw the unhappiness plainly on her face. Before she could think of what to say, he realized how badly he had stuck his foot in his mouth and hurriedly walked away, almost mincingly. Her heart sank. She quickly threw the card in the garbage. She thanked God that no one here at work knew Brad, so her secret could be kept from him. She didn’t want him to find out about this and ruin the delicate progress she was making in their relationship. She was afraid that even though she was not responding to Oded’s efforts Brad had lost all trust in her, justifiably so, and he would not believe her. She quickly collected her items for her day’s work and left the shop as if leaving the scene of a crime.

      Kathy dreaded her return to the shop at the end of the day. She knew what was going to be waiting for her, and she was right. There were two bright yellow phone messages lying on her workbench next to the roses, accusing her silently. Just his name and phone number, no comments written at the bottom. She threw them in the garbage, barely touching them as if they might burn her. She noticed out of the corner of her eye that Matt was watching her, a worried expression on his face. She felt her panic building. She couldn’t go on like this much longer. It was getting hard to hide what was going on to Brad at home also. She had caught him looking at her, contemplating her at odd moments. But right now she had to get away from those roses. She couldn’t think straight around them. She haphazardly finished her job and left.

      It took all Kathy’s courage to go to work the next day. She felt sick to her stomach with anxiety. She dragged her feet as she walked from her car to the building, trying to anticipate what he would do today. She entered the back area, her eyes immediately going to her workbench. There were another dozen roses there, these ones just a garden variety gorgeous red. She closed her eyes and sighed, trying to endure this nightmare. Then she opened her eyes and closed the distance between her and the bouquet, entering the almost overpowering fragrance of the flowers. She plucked the card from the newest arrangement and contemplated it for a moment before opening it. She knew this was a bad idea, but she was helpless to stop herself. She opened it.
      “I miss my best friend. Oded.”
      She couldn’t stand this anymore. It just hurt too damn much. She tore her eyes away from the card and looked up, trying to blink back tears of misery. She was trying to do the right thing, so why were things getting worse instead of better? It wasn’t fair! She threw the card away, wishing she had had the backbone to not read it in the first place. She put her face in her hands, bracing herself up with her elbows, trying to gather her wits and figure out what to do. Oded obviously wasn’t taking no for an answer, damn him.
      As she was standing there in turmoil, she heard footsteps on the concrete floor approach her and stop. She raised her head and looked. Matt was standing there, an upset look on his face. “Come on into my office,” he said. “We have to talk.” She just nodded, knowing where this was going. He turned away and headed for his office. She trailed behind him, trying to figure out what she was going to say.
      They entered his small office in the back of the building. Matt shut the door behind her and walked behind his desk, sitting down. Kathy sat in the chair in front of his desk, her hands in her lap, feeling like she was in the principal’s office. She had never had trouble before at jobs. God, what a mess.
      Matt looked at her for a moment, observing her unhappiness. “Those flowers aren’t from Brad, are they?” he asked. She shook her head, watching her hands wrestle with each other.
      “Are they from this guy Oded that keeps calling?”
      A quiet nod.
      “Do you want to tell me about this?”
      She sighed and looked up at him finally. “Oh god, Matt. It’s a long story.” She paused, hoping he wouldn’t press further, but he did. “Try me,” he said.
      She debated on how much she would tell him. “Well, Oded is an old boyfriend, and, uh, Brad and I have been having some problems, and well, it’s gotten into a big hairy mess.” She hoped that was the least amount of information she would have to give him.
      Matt looked at her for a moment, trying to take into consideration her obvious unhappiness with the whole situation. “Well, this can’t go on any further. I’m sorry, but your personal life is interfering with work around here, and I can’t let it happen anymore.” He paused. “It looks like a damn hothouse out there with all those flowers, and this Oded has been calling entirely too much. You need to get this problem resolved.” She looked back down at her hands as he was saying this. She felt so embarrassed that she wanted to crawl under a rock. When he had finished, she just nodded, keeping her eyes downcast.
      He waited for her to say something. When she didn’t, he asked, “So, what are you going to do about it?” She kept her gaze downward for a minute, thinking, then looked up at him. “I’ll call Oded this morning and get it straightened out. He won’t be a problem anymore.” Matthew nodded. “Thank you.” Kathy got up and left his office, grateful to have her reprimand over but dreading the task ahead of her.
      She found an empty office and entered it, closing the door behind her. This call was apt to be messy, and she didn’t want anyone else around to witness it. She didn’t need an audience right now. She sat down in the chair behind the desk and stared at the phone as if it was a poisonous snake that was coiled and might strike at any moment. She took a deep breath and tried to gather her thoughts, thinking of what she was going to say to Oded. The longer she waited, the more her anxiety built. She hated this torture and wanted to get it over with. So thinking, she wiped her clammy palms on her pants and picked up the receiver. She quickly dialed his number from memory and waited. It seemed to take an eternity for the connection to go through. Then it rang. Another eternity of waiting. Seasons passed. Two rings. Babies were born, grew up, had children of their own, and died of old age. Three rings. Civilizations rose and fell. Four rings. Stars expired and became black holes.
      She was afraid she was going to be stuck with his answering machine. She began to quickly assemble what she was going to say. She heard a click and took a deep breath, preparing herself. Then she heard a breathless, “Hello?” She became off-balance for a moment, trying to decide if it was really him.
      “Oded?” she asked cautiously.
      “Kathy?”
      She released her pent up breath, dropped her answering machine speech, and picked up her original one. “Yes, it’s me.”
      “Hi!” he greeted. “Sorry, you caught me just getting out of the shower.”
      Her imagination began to torture her, bringing a vision of Oded standing in his home with the cordless phone in one hand, talking to her. He was naked and still wet, his hair slicked back from his forehead, the warm water dripping from his body to fall on the Spanish tile. He would smell good and clean, and his skin would feel warm and soft. She could see him switch the phone from one ear to the other, causing his obliques and abs to glide fluidly under his skin. He would shift his weight from one foot to the other, causing his large thigh muscles to flex temptingly.
      “Kathy?” His voice snatched her from the apparition.
      “Uh, oh, sorry,” she replied. She was totally unhinged. Her prepared speech was gone, blown to dust by the thought of him. There was a pause as she tried to gather her wits.
      He broke the silence. “I’m glad you finally called,” he said. She could tell by the sound of his voice that he was hoping she was giving in, and it didn’t make her task any easier. She rubbed her forehead with her free hand, trying to get her brain to work.
      She said a silent prayer and forged ahead. “Oded, I’m sorry, but this can’t go on. My life is with Brad now.” There was stillness on the other end of the line. She could feel his hurt flowing from the receiver, and it made her heart ache. She felt her own anguish match his, and she started to cry. She hated this so much.
      She couldn’t stand the quiet, and had to fill it somehow, anyhow. “What we had was great, Oded, but it was five years ago. We’ve both moved on. It just wasn’t meant to be.”
      “Kathy, don’t make this mistake,” he replied quietly, so quietly she almost didn’t hear it. She squeezed her eyes shut in pain, her tears trailing down her cheeks.
      “Please, Oded, don’t do this to me,” she begged. “I can’t take it anymore. Just, please, let me go on with my life.”
      “Can we at least talk about this face to face?” he asked, almost pleading.
      “I, I don’t think so.”
      His frustration showed in his voice, thickening his accent. “I want you to look at me and tell me that our meeting wasn’t some sort of providence, that it wasn’t meant to be. Both of us could have ended up anywhere in the world. I want you to look me in the face and tell me that it was just coincidence that we ended up in the same place.”
      Kathy covered her mouth with her hand, trying to keep her sobs from traveling to him. God, why couldn’t this ever end?
      He continued. “Can we please talk about this together?”
      “If I meet with you and talk, will you stop calling me?” she asked. He heard her voice tremble, and his voice softened. “Yes, I will. If you can convince me that we weren’t meant to be together, I’ll walk away and never bother you again.”
      “Ok,” she whispered. She wiped her tears from her cheeks with the heel of her head and tried to gather her wits. She wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. “Can we meet today?”
      “That’s fine.”
      “How about at noon, at The Bay? Do you know where that restaurant is?”
      “Yes, I do. I’ll be there.”
      “Ok,” she finished. “I’ll see you there.” There was no joy in her voice, just a soft whisper full of pain. She hung up, laid her head down on the desk, and wept until she thought she was going to curl up and die.

      Kathy walked in the front door of The Bay restaurant, bracing herself against the painful confrontation that she knew was going to happen. She had arrived a few minutes early to give herself time to gather her wits. She knew she was going to need them for this. A hostess approached her and led her to a table in the middle of the restaurant. She sat down facing the front so that she could see Oded arrive. She told the hostess that another person would be joining her. She nodded and left.
      Kathy tried to think of all the things she wanted to say to him. She tried to think of every possible direction the conversation might take, and how she would respond to each situation. In other words, she knew she was going into a cage full of lions, and this time she wanted to be well armed.
      A few minutes later she saw Oded walk into the restaurant. Just the sight of him caused her heart to ache. She watched him stop and look around the room for her. She wanted to wave her hand at him, but she couldn’t move her body. She was immobile, only able to sit there and admire him. He was wearing a black jacket and slacks, with a white oxford shirt underneath, the collar slightly open. His dark hair reflected the sunlight that streamed through the windows on either side of the door. He was very obviously a male in full courting plumage, and the fact disturbed her. On one hand, she was angry that he wasn’t taking no for an answer. On the other hand, she loved him for all the effort he was making to get her back. Both feelings made her want to cry. Somehow she managed to keep a tight rein on her emotions.
      Oded finally saw her and walked over. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion for Kathy. She wanted to get this whole ordeal over with, but God seemed to be toying with her and had slowed time to a crawl. As he pulled out his chair and sat down, a waft of his cologne washed over her. She clenched her teeth against the desire that it brought up in her.
      “Hi, Kathy,” he greeted awkwardly.
      “Hi,” she returned. Neither one of them knew how to start. Fortunately the waitress came over, giving them menus and rattling off the specials for the day. The thought of food made Kathy’s stomach shrivel. She hurriedly ordered a chef salad that she didn’t want and handed the menu back to the waitress. Oded seemed to feel the same, barely glancing at his options before ordering his meal.
      A thick silence filled the air after the waitress left. It was hard to look at him. His intensity and passion showed on his face, making his normally soft brown eyes seem to drill into her soul. She looked down at her silverware, her water glass, the nearby tables, anything to avoid his eyes.
      Finally he spoke. “So convince me,” he stated bluntly.
      He never did beat around the bush, and she should have been prepared for it, but she wasn’t. Her emotions distressed her; she found herself on the verge of tears again. I can get through this, she thought to herself. She swallowed, trying to bear up under his scrutiny. She glanced at him, but her eyes never quite made it up to his.
      “Oded, I am living with someone,” she began. “I have a life with him now. That is where I belong.” She paused. “I can’t just throw that all away for something that may or may not be.”
      She watched his jaw muscles twitch as his frustration grew. “Are you telling me that what you have with Brad is as good as what you and I have?”
      She was unsure how to answer that question. “I…that is…I mean…” She stopped for a minute, trying to gather herself. “Yes, it is. It may be different, but it’s just as good.” But if it was, why did she feel like she was lying to him?
      “Different how?”
      “Please, let’s not get into that. It doesn’t matter.” She was beginning to feel like she was losing the battle.
      He leaned toward her, his emotions taking over his body language. “Yes, it does, Kay.” No one else called her by that nickname, and that word coming out of his mouth felt like a stiletto blade slipping into her heart. She didn’t even think he was aware that he had done it.
      Oded continued. “In the past five years I have never found a relationship like the one we had. I’ve never found another woman that I felt so close to. Jesus, you were my best friend! Are you telling me that Brad is your best friend?”
      She began to feel defensive. “Yes, he is,” she lied.
      Even after all these years they still knew each other intimately, and he knew she was lying. “Oh really?” he pounced. “How truthful were you with him about us? Did you tell him we made love, or did you just get caught?”
      His voice had risen slightly, and she quickly looked around to see if anyone at the surrounding tables had heard him. He glanced around as well, both of them becoming aware once again of their surroundings.
      He straightened up again, his gaze softening slightly. “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to get you past what’s in your head and get you to feel what’s in your heart.”
      Kathy’s defensiveness lowered a little, but it was still there. “And what’s in my heart?” she asked, challenging him.
      “You know what we have is special,” Oded answered promptly. “You know it is more than just good chemistry. And you know that it’s better than what you and Brad have.”
      She struggled with her emotions. She was angry with him for being so blunt, for hurting her. But she also felt what he was talking about. That realization hurt her as well. She sat silently, trying to get control of herself.
      The fire had left Oded’s eyes, and there was just sadness left. But he continued with what he had to say, softly. Even though his voice was gentle, it still drilled into her. “Do you remember us sitting up all night, talking about all manner of things?” Kathy looked away from him, blinking back tears.
      “Do you remember all the things you told me, that you had never told anyone else?” She nodded reluctantly.
      “Do you remember how much we missed each other when we were apart, even if it was only for a day?” A tear spilled down her cheek, and she put her hand over her mouth quickly to keep the sobs in. He reached across the table and took her other hand in his, squeezing gently.
      “Can you honestly tell me that you have that same connection with Brad?” he finished.
      She looked at him and he quickly glanced away, blinking hastily. She lowered her gaze to the table, trying to regain control over her feelings. All of her attention was centered on the warmth of his hand in hers. It felt so good to touch him. She looked at her hand grasping his, and slowly caressed his long fingers with her thumb, remembering their touch. She wanted more than anything to just throw over everything and be with him. The pain in her heart was slowly being pushed out by her affection for him. Her tears trailed off and she smiled, remembering all the things that he had brought up, how magical and special their bond had been. She raised her head to look in his eyes, and saw the same thoughts in his mind.
      Then movement caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. She looked over Oded’s shoulder to the restaurant entrance. Her blue eyes grew wide, and all the color fell from her face.
      Oded saw it and grew alarmed. “Kay? Kathy? What’s wrong?”
      She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t breath. She couldn’t move. She watched in utter dismay as Brad stalked toward them, a thunderous look on his face. She glanced past him and saw three other men at the front of the restaurant, waiting to be seated, watching Brad’s progression. Before Oded had the chance to turn around and see what she was looking at, Brad had reached their table. Kathy became acutely aware of her hand in Oded’s, and she snatched it back into her lap.
      Brad squatted between them at the side of the table, lowering himself to their level. His face was now showing to his clients that he had brought to The Bay for lunch, and he put on a smile for their benefit. To Kathy it looked like the way a shark would smile, all teeth and no emotion. It frightened her.
      He looked at both of them, making it look at a distance that they were having a friendly conversation. Kathy couldn’t imagine that it looked too convincing however, with her shocked, guilty expression and his predatory smile. Oded’s back was to Brad’s clients, so they didn’t get to see the fiery look of anger on his face that she was witnessing. She had a split second to mentally say a prayer, then Brad spoke.
      “Well, isn’t this cute?” he commented in a deadly soft voice through his grin. She had never seen him act this way. She didn’t even recognize him. She couldn’t think of a thing to say. Her mind had seized, frozen solid. She just stared at him, unable to believe this had happened. Brad brought his gaze back to Kathy and stared at her. “And to think I trusted you, that we were actually working things out.” He paused. “Tell me. All this time, were you still screwing this guy?” He tossed his head in the direction of Oded. She was shocked to her core. “Brad, I… I…,” she stammered. She had no idea what she was going to say. Oded started to move, and it caught her eye. She looked over at him and winced. Things were going from bad to worse. It was easy for Oded to look angry with his expressive, intense eyes, but she had under no circumstances really seen him truly outraged until now. He was usually an easygoing man; nothing much ruffled him. She felt the situation spiral out of control, and it terrified her.
      Oded moved his chair back and started to stand up. “Now listen, Brad-,” he started. He had half-risen out of his chair when Brad interrupted him, not even looking at him. He was still gazing at Kathy. “Sit down, Oded,” he commanded. Then he turned to look at him. “You see, I know who you are, and I know you can’t afford bad publicity at this point in your career, so just sit down.”
      Oded stopped where he was. He struggled with what Brad had said. He realized that he was right. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t create a scene. He hated Brad for pointing that out, for winning the battle, but there was nothing he could do. He looked at Kathy, his anger being replaced by apology for a moment. He slowly lowered himself back down in the chair. She could tell that every muscle in his body was tense, barely held in check.
      Brad gave him a smug smile, enjoying his victory. “On the other hand,” he reconsidered, “why don’t you just leave?” Kathy saw Oded’s jaw muscles tighten as he clenched his teeth. Now he was positively livid. He sat motionless, trying to retain reason and decide what to do. He glared at Brad, envisioning all sorts of violent ends to this confrontation.
      Finally Kathy found her voice and tried to diffuse the situation. She had to get the two of them away from each other. “Oded,” she said softly. Her heart was pounding in her chest. He tore his eyes away from Brad. They softened when they fell upon her. She understood the plea that they held, but she couldn’t do it.
      “I think it would be a good idea if you left,” she finished. She saw the hurt in his eyes, and quickly looked away.
      Oded shot up out of his chair, almost knocking it over. His hands were trembling as he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, preparing to leave money for the lunch that they never had. His face was roiling with emotions.
      Brad saw his opportunity to kick Oded while he was down and took it. “Don’t worry about it, Oded. I’ll pick up the tab.” He widened his shark’s grin at him, savoring the moment.
      Oded shoved his wallet back jerkily, standing still for a moment, torn. He gave one final glance to Kathy, begging her to reconsider. She lowered her eyes to her lap, unable to bear his emotions. He turned around and strode quickly to the front of the restaurant. As soon as his back was turned, she looked up and watched him leave. Her face was full of anguish. Brad saw her expression and hated it. Oded shoved the glass door of the restaurant open. Brad’s clients followed his exit, turning their heads to witness the event. Kathy watched as Oded passed a newspaper dispenser and slammed his closed fist into it, never breaking stride. The machine rocked on its legs with the force of his blow. He disappeared around the corner.
      As soon as Oded was out of her sight, Kathy turned back to Brad, who was watching her. She knew all her emotions for Oded were apparent on her face, and that Brad had witnessed them. She felt a flash of anger at him for doing this to her, then remembered that she was the one who started this whole ball rolling by seeing Oded again. Grief filled her heart as she saw the hurt and anger and humiliation that she had caused him.
      “Brad, I’m so sorry,” she said quietly.
      He gave her a stony look. “Save it,” he said curtly. “We’ll talk about this tonight at home.” With that he stood up, took his wallet out, and threw some money on the table, not even looking at how much he had grabbed. He unconsciously wiped his hand on his pants as if he had touched something unsavory. Then he put his deadly grin back on, turned his back on her, and made his way back to his clients. He walked stiff-legged, as if someone had given him a good shot to the balls, which Kathy supposed was just what she had done. She watched him gather his clients together and escort them to a table, acting as if nothing was wrong. The other men didn’t look convinced in the least. She stood up on her shaky legs and slunk out of the restaurant, ashamed of what her life had come to.