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    Tales From Sha-Hair-Azad:

    These Walls Can Talk

    By Najya Yasirah


    Chapter 1: “Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood?”



    Due to the pain in her ass, Reyjah knew that she would not be running. “Damn,” she cringed as her alarm clock went off. “I gotta soak my ass,” she mumbled to herself. As she ran her bathwater, she sprinkled Epsom salt in it. “Good for what ails you,” she said as she looked at the package. She stripped off her mint green battle gear, and immersed herself into the very lukewarm water.

    Antoine was kissing Celeste good bye. He didn’t realize that his long hair had gotten caught into the door’s hinges. When he tried to move, he was stuck. “Oh..no..son of a bitch…” he groaned. “Uh-oh,” said Celeste. She tried to help him out, but it was no use. “Celeste there are some scissors in my kitchen drawers,” he said reluctantly. “Are you sure?” she asked. She knew Antoine took a lot of pride in his appearance, especially his hair. “There’s just no other way,” he grimaced.  After Celeste found the scissors, she reluctantly cut Antoine away from his prison. He cringed as his hair fell to the welcome mat.

    Reyjah walked around her walk-in closet looking for an outfit that would hide the swelling of her butt. “Where the heck is my jumpsuit?” she asked. She walked around in her dark blue, Victoria’s Secret Deep-V bra and matching thongs. Her sharp appearance belied her messy room. Her mother would have had a hissy fit. She dug through the racks in her closet. She finally found her favorite, dark blue, stretch denim jumpsuit. It had a zip front, short sleeves, a built in belt, and bell bottom legs. “Damn! I gotta iron it!” she said. “Wait a minute, no I don’t.” She unzipped it, and stepped in it. After finally getting it on, she checked herself in the mirror. After zipping it to show a tasteful amount of cleavage, she smoothed it along her body. She had lost weight, but it still fit well. Being muscular, sometimes it was hard for her to get clothes that wouldn’t cut off her circulation. Nowadays, clothing was created with the size –0 population in mind. “This’ll do,” she said nodding. She got down on her hands and knees and found her black, Charles David ankle boots underneath her bed. The heels were 3” high. People wondered how in the heck she worked in such high shoes. She found her friend, Sheila’s, invisible diamond necklace and her one of her many pairs of hoop earrings. Reyjah brushed her hair, put on her silver Fossil watch and lined her eyes with liquid eyeliner. She slapped some Blistex on her lips. After grabbing her black, Prada purse, she ran out of her apartment.


    Antoine Laconte was crying. “My hair, the secret of my success!! He cried. His eyes were red and puffy. He looked at the dark, curly strands in his hands. Antoine’s hair was cut in uneven layers. The ends looked as if he had gotten into a slapfight with Edward Scissorhands. “Dammit!! I can’t go out in public ever again,” he moaned. Antoine was such a bitch at times.  He got up from his white, 18th century, Persian carpet and began searching for the Yellow Pages.

    “Hey, Miss New York!” said Midori. Midori Yoshida was the gorgeous Japanese receptionist at Sha-Hair-Azad. Today she was wearing a pink furry tank top and white bellbottoms. Her hair was in a layered shag, created by Reyjah and her razor named “Susie.”  “Your 10:00 appointment just canceled,” she informed. “Dammit!!” said Reyjah as she walked to the shampooing area. “Just to warn everybody; I’m walking funny cuz I got dropped on my ass at about 4:00 this damn morning!” Reyjah was pissed. What a day!  “That’s a second cacellation this week!” she said to  Sheila, her pretty Filipino  friend. “Well good morning to you, too Rey!” said Sheila Cabrera.   Sheila was a color specialist from San Francisco. Her own jet-black hair was in long layers, cut by Reyjah and highlighted with bright red streaks. Shelia was shampooing Ms. Randolph’s hair. She wore a bubble-gum colored bebe baby shirt with a pair if light grey bellbottoms and pink and white adidas shelltoes.Ms. Randolph was the sweetest middle-aged woman to ever patronize the Sha-Hair-Azad  day spa. Reyjah’s workplace was two-levels tall. It even had a fountain in the reception area, complete with Japanese koi.  She loved the architecture, it reminded her of a tea house only with glass. Each hairdresser had her own private room to work in, just to keep the atmosphere more intimate and eliminate the gossip. Yeah right!! “Who dropped you on your ass?” said Derrick. He kissed Reyjah on the cheek. “You know, Reyjah, today might be your lucky day, you know God let’s things happen for a reason.” Ms. Randolph reminded Reyjah of Grace Kelly. She was such an elegant, graceful woman. “I guess your right, ‘Randy’.” she said. “I’m mad you’re avoding my question, Rey!” said Derrick.He was the resident gay guy of Sha-Hair-Azad.  He always managed to bring in more money than any of the girls. He  had always been a sweetheart to Reyjah. “ You are wearing your hair down, okay, who’s the guy?” he asked playing in her hair, since he was the one that did it.  “What makes you think that there’s a guy? I haven’t dated since I’ve been here.”said Reyjah with her arm around  Derrick’s waist as she received another kiss on the cheek from him. “Umm, honey… you haven’t worn your hair down since you’ve been working here, either,” he pressed. His green eyes sparkling. “Tell it, girl! Is this mystery man the same one that’s caused your ass to swell?” asked Sheila. “You need to finish Ramdy!” said Reyjah laughing. “Like I got somewhere to go? It’s my day off,” said Ms. Randolph. “I wanna here this, too.” Sheila began towel drying her client’s hair. “You can tell us while I re-do your makeup,” said Derrick. “You look like you got attacked by some kindergartners with waterproof markers.” Sheila laughed. Derrick was known for his brutal  honesty. “Can you do that Christina Augilera “Nobody Wants to Be Lonely, Look?”asked Reyjah. “For once she didn’t look like trailer trash.”  “Girl, I’m mad you asked me that!” Derrick joked as he led everyone to his station.

    Derrick could do miraculous things with a makeup brush. As he began tweezing Reyjah’s Jolie-inspired eyebrows, she began her story. “You know that next-door neighbor of mine..the one who’s girlfriends are always making those damn noises?” “Is it that good?” asked Ms. Randolph. Sheila burst out laughing. Derrick held his in. Randy was the bomb. “You are a wild one, Randy!” said Reyjah. “Ow! Damn!”Reyjah whined.  “You can’t expect it not to hurt, I’m using tweezers!” said Derrick. He pressed translucent powder on her face with a puff. “Anyways, I had put up with it for three months, enough was enough!” “Three months, damn!” said Sheila. “I would have tried to see what all the fuss was about, personally.” Sheila really needed a man. “So I go over there, in my draws, mind you, “Reyjah explained while Derrick brushed dark brown shadow in her creases. “In your draws?” he asked. “Oh, Lord,” said Sheila. “I’m mad you went over some stranger’s house in your draws.” “They matched!” said Reyjah in defense. “He opens the door, and y’all, this man has on these Smiley face Joe Boxers with it’s tongue hanging out.” “I hate those things,” said Derrick. “They look stupid as hell.” Reyjah snickered. “Hold still,” he scolded. “So I tried to be nice and all, asked him to hold it down just a little, but the Great Lovemaker insists on saying I had a bad attitude and what not.” “Oooh goodness,” said Randy. “I know you were ready to fight, then.” “I went in the bedroom and even asked the girl he was boning if she could keep it down.” Derrick looked up from lining her eyes. “You went in the room?” “Yeah!” Shelia’s jaw dropped. “You went in his room, in your draws?” “Yeah!” “Girl…you!” “Then he gets really pissed. He hemmed me up, told me to start sleeping outside when I hear noises, and damn near power bombed me!!” Ms. Randolph shook her head. “Lord, help these children,” she said. “So now, my ass hurts,” said Reyjah. Derrick began lining her lips with a brown pencil. He filled them in with a nude, wet-look lipstick. “Now, look, isn’t that better?” he said handing her a mirror. Indeed, she did. “I might be sexy for a minute!” she said. “You bang, Derrick!”  “Speaking of look, was the man fine?” asked Sheila. “Girl, he is so damn cocky! He’s tall, got all these muscles, wavy hair down to his shoulders. Got a nice mustache and goatee. He looks like that dude, uh, y’all ever seen The Mummy?”said Reyjah.  “Yeah, I got that video,” said Derrick. “Mmm, that Brendan Fraser.” Reyjah gave him a look. Damn a Brendan Fraser. “Well, my neighbor looks just like the dude, the warrior dude that wears black all the time..” “I know who you’re talking about, that man is sexy!!” said Ms.Randolph. Sheila looked at her client funny. “I ain’t too old to have fantasies, honey,” said Randy. “He’s got a  thick, Italian accent,”said Reyjah. “He’s Italian?” Sheila piped. “Yeah, so?” said Reyjah.  “Okay, ultimately, that means he’s damn sexy, and you think so, too! Girrrllll,” said Sheila. “And I know Derrick did not put red blush on your face.”

    Reyjah helped Derrick with a razor cut. “You want that Meg Ryan look ma’am or do you want that Britney Spears Rolling Stone cover look?” she asked.  “Meg Ryan.” Said the client. “You got it!” said Reyjah smiling. Despite Reyjah’s different look, Sha-Hair-Azad’s atmosphere had come to life. She always brought laughter when there was pain, regardless of who it was. She quickly whipped through the client’s cut with a razor-comb technique. “Are you watching, Derrick?” said Reyjah. “Yes, I am, my dear, you are the best.” He said proudly. When she was done, she handed the razor back to Derrick and tousled the client’s hair. “Viola!” she said in a fake French accent. She spun around to walk back to her private station. “Reyjah?” said Midori, the beautiful Japanese receptionist. “There’s a gentleman out here who has a haircut emergency.” “Oh God, it’s not a drag queen, is it? Not again?” said Reyjah wrinkling her brow. Midori smiled. “No, this guy has absolutely no reason to dress up like a chick,” said Midori motioning to the desk in the distance. “Oh  Damn!” said Reyjah. “What’s wrong?” asked Midori. “Dori, that’s the guy that dropped me on my ass this morning.” “OOOhh, what do we do?” “Well, I can’t refuse him,” said Reyjah. “I’ll just have to take it like a soldier.”  Reyjah  scurried back over to Derrick’s station. “Derrick, that guy..he’s here!” she said excitedly. “ Mr. Smiley face? For real, let me see!” he said. Derrick peeked form his screen. “Girl, that man looks  magically delicious!” He said in awe. “I’m sorry you saw him before I did.” Derrick’s client laughed.  “I gotta go greet the son of a bitch,” Reyjah groaned. “Dammit all!” “Girl, take a deep breath, he’s on your turf, now.” Derrick said.”Let him try to talk junk in Sha-Hair-Azad! I wish he would !”  She laughed at her friends antics. Derrick was the king…er queen of smack-talking.  Reyjah  left his station. “You ready?” said Midori. “MMhmm,” said Reyjah flatly.  Midori walked Reyjah up to the front desk. The handsome Antoine was wearing a black fitted tee shirt from Structure with a v-neck and a pair of gray pants. His shoes were black low-cut Lugz . His hair was slicked back in a ponytail. He was very surprised to see Reyjah. She looked sexy in her denim jumpsuit that hugged to her hips. Her hair was loose, long and very silky-looking. He still labeled her as belligerent, but nevertheless, she was stunning. “This is Reyjah, our haircutting specialist,” said Midori. “Reyjah, this is Antoine Laconte.” She stuck out her hand for him to shake. “Yes, Ms. Bennett and I have already met. And I must say, you look better fully clothed,” he replied with a smirk. “Likewise,” Reyjah  said.  “Would you like a blow job, with your cut?” she asked. Midori gave her a crazy look. “Oh.. shhh..I meant, ‘blow-dry’.” Reyjah covered her face in embarrassment. Damn.  Midori held in her laughter as she went back behind the desk. “Come with me, Mr. Laconte?” said Reyjah leading the way to her station. “So, how’s the  ass?” asked Antoine. “I don’t know, Mr. Laconte, just how are you doing this morning?” she retorted. Good  comeback. “Oooh, I hear insults,” said Derrick.  Sheila was peeking from her workplace. “Is he cute?” said Ms. Randolph.


    Tales From Sha-Hair-Azad: These Walls Can Talk - Chapter 2