What If

                                                                         Chapter 7

Friday morning started off well enough for Raegan. Nancy had loaded up the trunk of Raegan’s car with her stuff for the weekend and they actually made it out the door on time for once. Rick would pick Nancy up at work after lunch and they would be on their way. Raegan figured she’d hit the video store after work and rent some movies for the night. Work kept her busy until it was time to go and she was heading out to her car to head home when the day went to pot.

“Raegan!”

Raegan turned to see Billy jogging toward her. She groaned as she continued on to her car. “What do you want, Billy?” Raegan asked as Billy caught up with her.

“I would like for you to give me your attention and quit ignoring me,” Billy growled as he grabbed her arm and turned her toward him.

Raegan jerked her arm out of his grasp and glared at him. “You grab me like that again and I’ll have you arrested for assault.”

“God damn it, Rae, I don’t want to hurt you, I just want to talk!” Billy nearly shouted, frustrated.

Raegan sighed. Maybe if she gave him a few minutes, he quit pestering her. “Alright, fine. Talk.” Raegan crossed her arms in front of her and looked up at Billy expectantly.

“Good, finally!” he answered. “Come on, I’ll take you to dinner.”

“No,” Raegan answered. “If you want to talk to me, it’s here, now!”

“You can’t be serious. Come on, Rae. What are you doing tonight anyway? Nancy is gone for the weekend, and you’re just going to go home alone and sit and watch videos or get on that damn website,” Billy complained. “At least let me feed you and then we can see from there.”

Raegan hated knowing that she was so predictable that even Billy knew her plans. “No, what you mean is, feed me and then see if you can get into my bed,” Raegan interpreted for him. “It’s over between us, Billy. You showed your true colors and I don’t go out with guys like you. I like myself too much.”

Billy’s nostrils flared at her insult. “Listen here, you little bitch,” he growled softly so that she could barely hear him. “If you want to waste your time fantasizing about a man you’ll never meet, then fine, go ahead. But when you are ready to face reality and deal with a real man, then you give me a call.” With that Billy spun around and stomped off.

“Don’t hold your breath, asshole,” Raegan grumbled, but Billy’s tone had scared her enough to keep her words to herself. She turned, hurried to her car, and unlocked it. Climbing in, she immediately locked it and sat there with her eyes closed, getting her heart back in rhythm.

Raegan thought about Billy’s words all the way home. He was right though, Raegan thought. She never would meet Oded and even if by some twist of fate she did, that didn’t mean he’d fall madly in love with her and they’d live happily ever after. God, maybe she DID need to get a life. She was 30 years old, single, and without a boyfriend. The only guy showing any interest in her was an over-possessive jerk who was more in love with himself than he could ever possibly be with Raegan. Was she pathetic or what? God damn it! Now she was depressed. How dare Billy do this to her! She knew she had no life, but she didn’t need some asshole reminding her of it. By the time she got home, Raegan was ready for a good cry. She didn’t even bother to stop off at the video store, knowing that any movie she rented now would be as depressing as she was.

Raegan slammed the front door and threw her purse down on the kitchen table. Even Pink Floyd, whose main goal in life was to trip Raegan as she came through the front door, stayed away from the brooding woman who angrily made her way to her bedroom. She needed to vent, someone to yell at. “Damn you, Nance! You picked a fine time to go away for the weekend!” Raegan yelled at the empty room.

It didn’t make her feel any better. She fell across her bed and began to cry. Great sobs wracked her body as she lay there and mourned her pathetic life. She needed to talk to someone, but that someone was usually Nancy and she wasn’t here. Odie. The name flittered through her mind. Raegan sat up abruptly and rubbed at her eyes with the heels of her hands. She could talk to Odie. They had hit it off really well at Wednesday night’s chat. Raegan had felt a kind of kinship with her after discovering they had several things in common. Would Odie mind if she dumped on her? “Well, there is only one way to find out,” Raegan said to no one, and she got up and powered up her computer.

Raegan located the piece of paper that she had jotted Odie’s email address down on and once she was online, she typed out a quick email.

“Hi Odie. Are you busy tonight? Can you chat for a while? I really need someone to talk to tonight. Let me know. Raegan.”

After she sent off the email, she got up and headed for the kitchen. Pink Floyd rubbed up against her leg as she looked in the refrigerator for something to eat. “Hey Pinker, I guess you’re wanting some dinner too, huh?” Raegan reached down, picked the cat up, and scratched the top of her head. Pink Floyd meowed loudly and began to purr. Raegan located a can of cat food in the pantry and got the cat set up. “Well at least you know what you are having for dinner tonight.” Raegan gave the cat one last rub, then headed back to the refrigerator. Deciding on a sandwich, Raegan sat herself down in front of the TV and watched Jeopardy while she ate.

It was a little after 7 p.m. when Oded walked in his front door. He was supposed to meet Rob and a few of the other cast members from Deuce for drinks at a local club at 9 o’clock. He was finished with filming his part of the movie and this was a little celebration thing. Oded didn’t really want to go; the club thing was really not his scene, but Rob was a great guy and had been a blast to work with. He threw his keys down on a small table just inside the doorway and headed upstairs for a quick shower and some clean clothes. At the last minute he decided he should check the message board and his email, so after he’d gotten cleaned up he settled himself in front of his computer and waited impatiently while it booted up. He checked the message board first. Not much was going on there today. It was fairly quiet and Oded was surprised that Raegan hadn’t posted at all today. She usually had something to say, even if it was merely rambling. That made him smile. She had the silliest things to say sometimes that made him laugh.

Next Oded checked his email and was just as surprised when he found an email from Raegan listed amongst some of the other emails. He read it first and nearly fell out of his chair. She wanted, no she needed to talk to him. Oded felt a mixture of elation and terror at the thought. He gave his commitment to meet Rob and the other guys about two seconds thought before he answered Raegan’s email.

“Hi Rae. No, I am not busy tonight. I am waiting for you in the chat room whenever you are ready. Odie.”

After sending off the email, Oded made his way into the chat room and after seeing she wasn’t already there, he grabbed the phone and made a quick call to Rob to say he wasn’t going to make it. Making sure that Reagan still wasn’t there, Oded headed downstairs to scrounge up something to eat. Ten minutes later, Oded barely got himself settled back in front of the computer with some left over Chinese food when Reagan signed in to the chat room.

Odie: Hi Raegan

Raegan: Hi Odie. Thanks so much for meeting me. I hope I didn’t ruin any plans for you.

Odie: No, I didn’t have anything planned. Is everything okay?

It seemed forever before Raegan finally responded.

Raegan: No, everything is not okay.

Oded’s male protectiveness reared its head and his hands clenched into fists. Forcing himself to relax, he typed.

Odie: Do you want to tell me about it?

Raegan: Actually, yes I do. I hope you don’t mind. Usually I unload on Nance, but she’s off with Rick for the weekend. You and I hit it off so well this last Wednesday night during the chat, I felt that I could talk to you. Is that okay?

Oded felt his heart constrict. He desperately wished Raegan were with him right now so that he could wrap his arms around her and take all her cares away.

Odie: I don’t mind at all, Rae. Unload!

And that opened the floodgate for Raegan. She was thankful that Odie couldn’t see her cry as she typed.

Raegan: I had a run in with my ex-boyfriend today. His name is Billy.

Ex boyfriend, Oded thought? He felt a pang of jealousy as he wondered what this jerk did to his lady.

Odie: What did he do?

Raegan: It’s not so much what he did as what he said. I guess to make more sense, I should give you a little background.

Odie: ok

Raegan: Billy is an Assistant U.S. Attorney for the Criminal Division. I work over in Civil. I met him earlier this year when he and one of my attorney’s co-counseled a case together. We hit it off. He seemed like a really nice guy.

Raegan: We started having trouble after The Mummy came out. I guess you could say some of it was my fault, I didn’t exactly hide my interest in Oded Fehr, but he’s a good actor and I became a fan.

Raegan: Billy didn’t like that. He became jealous and possessive. He tried to forbid me from participating on the mb and he would get mad anytime Nancy and I talked about Oded. I really tried to look at his side of it. I thought maybe I was too obsessed with Oded, but Nancy is just as involved as I am and her boyfriend doesn’t have a problem at all with it. Nancy adores Rick and Rick adores Nancy.

Raegan: I began to realize that the problem was more Billy’s than mine and I didn’t like his attitude or the way he tried to control me. So I broke up with him. That was about 3 weeks ago. Since then he has tried to convince me to get back together with him.

Oded felt a cold fury sweep through him. He had never felt like hitting someone as badly as he’d like to hit Billy right now.

Odie: Do you want to get back together with him?

Raegan: Oh god, no! The guy is a total jerk. The other day he came to my desk and when I refused to talk to him, he shut my computer off, causing me to lose my work. Luckily Nance was able to retrieve it for me, but god damn, it pissed me off!

Raegan: Then today he basically told me that I am living in a fantasy world where Oded is concerned. That when I’m ready for a “real” man, to call him. Has my life gotten so pathetic that I’m wasting it on a man I will never meet?

Raegan: I thought I was doing ok. I have a good life, I’m 30 years old, and I have a good, steady job. I’ve got good friends and I do date. Sure I haven’t gone out with anyone since Billy, but that’s only because I haven’t had time to meet anyone and I don’t do bars and clubs. God, maybe Billy is right. Maybe I AM living in a fantasy world.

Odie: Rae?

Raegan took a deep breath and stopped her ranting.

Raegan: yes

Odie: You are doing exactly what Billy wants you to do. It sounds to me like he is slowly trying to wear you down, make you doubt yourself so that you eventually believe that he is right and that he is the best thing for you. Don’t let him do that to you, sweetheart.

Oded’s eyes widened in shock at the endearment he let slip through. Oh god, what is she going to think?

Raegan: **sigh** you really think so, Odie?

Oded released the breath he’d been holding in a slow hiss. Either she didn’t notice or she chose to ignore it. Or maybe she just took it as a friendly endearment. Well, he’d be damned if he was going to draw attention to it.

Odie: Yes, I do.

Raegan: Maybe you’re right. I never thought about it that way. It’s like a form of mental abuse, right?

Odie: Yes.

Raegan: Wow. God, Billy really is a jerk.

Oded thought he could come up with a few better adjectives than jerk, but that would do for starters.

Odie: You feel any better now?

Raegan: Yes I do. You’re the best Odie. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been here to talk to. I guess I would have sulked all weekend. I was really starting to feel depressed. But you have given me a lot to consider.

Odie: I’m glad I could help. And I’m glad you felt you could come to me. You can bend my ear anytime.

Raegan: Same here, Odie. Anytime you need to talk, I am always available to listen. Well, I think I’m gonna go now. I’ve had a tough day and I’m really tired all of a sudden.

Odie: Okay, Raegan. You get some rest and I’ll talk to you again soon.

Raegan: Good night, Odie. {{hugs}} girlfriend. Thanks!

Odie: {{hugs}} good night.

Oded signed off and shut down his computer. It was almost 10 o’clock. He hadn’t even realized how much time had passed. Oded leaned forward, propping his elbows on the computer desk and resting his face in his hands. He hadn’t planned on this. Raegan confiding in him like this was going to complicate everything. He needed to swim. He hadn’t swam at all this week with his ankles all swollen, but he they were much better today. After changing into his swimming trunks, he headed down to the pool.

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                                                                           Chapter 8

Raegan spent Saturday morning camera pricing. She quickly realized that to buy a camera that would give her the kind of pictures she wanted to take, she’d have to invest in a good one and they were so damn expensive. She joined the Saturday night chat, but only stayed for a short time. She just wasn’t into it tonight. She did get by the video store though and rent several movies. After logging off the chat around 9 p.m. she fixed herself a bowl of popcorn, grabbed a Dr. Pepper and planted herself down in front of the TV to watch The Princes Bride. She was in the mood for a light romantic comedy and this one never failed to bring a smile to her face.

Sunday was spent thinking about what Odie had said to her about Billy. She knew that Odie was right, that Billy was mentally trying to wear her down. But she couldn’t help but think that Billy was right in some ways. She was living in a fantasy world. A fantasy world that consisted of a man she’d never meet. Was that good enough? Was that what she wanted out of life? Raegan did want to get married someday. She even thought she wanted to have kids too. Was she depriving herself of a “normal life” by putting so much time and effort into Oded Fehr? But what WAS a normal life? Raegan didn’t know. By the time Sunday evening had rolled around, Raegan was just about convinced that she should back off the whole Oded thing. Maybe she wasn’t obsessed like Billy seemed to insinuate, but maybe she was putting too much time into being a “fan” rather than meeting people. More to the point guys, who could give her the love and the family she craved.

Raegan stared over at her computer. She contemplated for all of 10 seconds on whether she should try to chat with Odie again, when she jumped up and hit the power button. If Odie was around, she’d chat, if not, she wouldn’t.

Oded slept in Saturday. It wasn’t something that he normally did, but the last week of filming Deuce had been exhausting. His buddy Tom called him after lunch and talked him into playing some softball with a mixed group of men and women he’d gotten together. His ankles felt much better, so he figured if he was careful not to slide into any bases, he’d be okay. After coming home, he got cleaned up and he went to dinner with Tom and several other guys they’d played softball with.

Sunday was spent relaxing outside. He’d had to fend off another phone call from Trish, but over all it had been a pretty good day. His thoughts were never far from Raegan and now that he knew what she looked like, he could easily call her face to mind. When he finally powered up his computer later that evening, it was the first time since he’d chatted with Raegan Friday night. Once again the message board was fairly quiet, with only a few posts, none from Raegan. And once again, there was an email from her waiting in his in box.

“Odie, I’m in the chat room. I’ll hang out for about half an hour. It’s now 8:30. Rae.”

Oded quickly glanced at his watch and saw that it was now 8:50. He hoped she was still there as he made his way to the chat room. She was still there when he signed in.

Raegan: Oh good, you made it!

Odie: Sorry, but I haven’t been on since we chatted Friday night.

Raegan: Oh that’s all right. It’s no big deal. I just wanted to thank you again for being there for me Friday. I really needed someone to vent on and I appreciate your words of wisdom.

Odie: Glad I could help.

Raegan: I also wanted to let you know that I’ve come to a decision.

Odie: Oh? What is that?

Raegan: I decided I’m going to back off the whole Oded thing.

Oded felt his heart drop to his stomach.

Odie: Why?

Raegan: Well even though I know what Billy said was bullshit, I think maybe he was right in one perspective. Maybe I AM living in an “Oded” fantasy world. I just think that I need to back off for a while. Take a good look at my life and where it is heading. I need to make sure my head is screwed on right. Am I making any sense to you?

She was making more sense than he cared to admit. Oded found himself really admiring Raegan’s decision but at the same time wanting to tell her not to do it.

Odie: Yes. Sometimes fans can get carried away with the actor or actress they admire. They get so wrapped up in what they perceive that person to be that they become obsessed. Truthfully though Rae, I don’t see that in you. But you have to decide that for yourself.

Raegan felt a big weight lift off her shoulders. She never really thought she was obsessed with Oded either, but hearing it from someone she trusted helped.

Raegan: Thank you Odie. That means a lot to me!

Odie: Have lunch with me tomorrow.

It was out before he could take it back. God damn, what was he doing? Well it was too late now.

Raegan: Really? That would be great Odie!

Oded felt his heart begin to slam against his chest. She had said yes. He took a deep breath. Well, hell! He might as well go for broke.

Odie: Can you take a long lunch?

Raegan: I think so. What did you have in mind?

Odie: Can you meet me at the Santa Monica pier?

Raegan: Santa Monica pier? My god, I haven’t been there since I was a kid. Sure, that would be fun. How will I know you?

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll know you,” Oded said softly.

Odie: I’ll be wearing black pants and a dark blue shirt. What about you?

Raegan thought a moment about what she would wear tomorrow.

Raegan: I’ll be wearing a lavender sleeveless summer dress.

Odie: Okay, I’ll find you. Do you prefer an early or late lunch?

Raegan: Late

Odie: Okay, then 1:00?

Raegan: sounds great

Odie: Don’t forget to bring a few of the pictures you’ve taken.

Raegan: lol, that’s right. You too. Oh and btw, it’s going to be awhile before I can afford a new camera. Went shopping yesterday and OH MY GOD! Expensive!

Odie: lol yes, the good ones can cost you. Don’t worry though; I’m sure it will work out.

Raegan: Okay, Odie. Well, I will see you tomorrow then. I’m really looking forward to meeting you.

Odie: Yes, I’m looking forward to meeting you too, Rae. See you tomorrow.

Raegan: Goodnight

Odie: Goodnight.

Oded was so excited that he didn’t finally get to sleep until after midnight. He wasn’t taping the Donnie and Marie show until Wednesday, so Monday and Tuesday he could do as he pleased. Oded headed down to the pool for his evening swim. He was too excited and worked up about tomorrow to sleep yet, so he decided to burn some energy.

By the time Oded had reached the Santa Monica pier the next day, he was a nervous wreck. It was a few minutes before 1:00 and he wondered if Raegan was there yet or not. He made his way through the parking lot toward the pier. There were people milling about, shopping, and the pier itself was lined with people, mostly men fishing. Oded breathed in deeply the smells of the salt air. A sea breeze blew gently, ruffling his hair slightly. His dark eyes roamed the pier in search of Raegan. And then he spotted her. Her back was to him as she leaned against the railing, looking out at the ocean. Oded stopped and could only stare. He was suddenly terrified. He had no clue what her reaction would be. He figured she would be surprised at first, then maybe a bit nervous. But then so was he, so they should get along fabulously. As he slowly made his way across the pier to where she was, Oded took in all of her. When he had seen her at the restaurant, it had only been a brief glimpse. She had been wearing a pair of dress pants and a blouse, not really showing off her figure, but the summer dress she was wearing now showed him nice curves and long legs. Oded smiled. She did seem a little on the thin side, he thought, but he could fix that.

“Hello, Raegan,” Oded greeted as he came to a stop behind her.

Raegan froze at the unfamiliar accented voice. She didn’t know anybody with a foreign accent. Slowly she straightened up to her full height of 5’5”, make that 5’7” with the heels she was wearing, and turned to face the stranger who had called to her. The first thing she saw was a dark blue button-up shirt stretched over a broad chest. Her eyes traveled up to see a face that she never thought in a million years to ever see in person. Oded Fehr. She knew it was him instantly. His long, curly dark hair was brushed back away from his face and just touched his shoulders. His mustache and goatee were neatly trimmed and his eyes… Oh god, those beautiful brown eyes were smiling kindly down at her. Suddenly she couldn’t breath, her heart began to slam in her chest. The smile was fading from his face and then from his eyes, being replaced with concern as he watched her face turn pale.

“Raegan? Are you okay?” Oded took a step forward, reaching his hand out to touch her arm.

The touch of his warm fingers on her skin snapped her out of her shock and she took a deep breath. “Oh my god.” She wondered if her voice sounded too shrill? It certainly sounded that was to her, but Oded was smiling again at her and not wincing, so maybe it had sounded normal. She tried again. “You, you’re Oded. My god, you’re Oded Fehr!” Raegan wanted to crawl into a hole. Oh god, she was babbling. She always prided herself on not acting like a complete imbecile around the few celebrities she had come in contact with in the past, but here she was, meeting Oded Fehr and babbling like a complete idiot!

Oded raised an eyebrow and smiled as his hand slide down her arm to catch her hand in his. He raised it to his lips and kissed the back of it. “At your service,” he answered. God help him, she was more beautiful than he remembered. Her eyes were the same color as the ocean below them, a greenish blue that he thought he might like to drown in. The top of her head reached just below his chin, but he suspected if she weren’t wearing the high heels, she’d more likely hit the middle of his chest. Her light brown hair was piled up on top of her head and held there by a clasp, revealing a slender neck. Oded felt his body responding physically to her and he fought to keep it in check. Now wasn’t the time.

Raegan felt the warmth of his touch burning across her arm and watched in fascination as he raised her hand to press those sexy full lips to her skin. She felt a shudder of desire race up her spine. She took another deep breath as he stood there, his dark eyes locked with her light ones. He didn’t let go of her hand; it was almost like he was waiting for something. Waiting for her to say something. “Wha, what are you doing here?” She swallowed hard, her mouth suddenly dry.

His dark friendly gaze swept over her appreciatively making her blush. “I’m meeting a friend for lunch,” he answered.

“A friend?” Raegan repeated, but it seemed to snap her out of her trance like state. “A friend.” She began to look around frantically. “I’m supposed to be meeting a friend.”

“Raegan!” Oded called softly squeezing her hand gently in his. He was about to drop the bomb on her and he needed her attention.

Raegan’s eyes snapped back to his. He had called her by name. Raegan frowned, her eyebrows furrowing together. “Wait,” she began. “How do you know my name?”

Oded stood there silently. He seemed to be thinking of what to say. Raegan let her gaze drop down to his shirt. Dark blue. Then to his pants. Black. Odie said she would be wearing black pants and a dark blue shirt. Odie had been very vague on her discription, only saying she had black curly hair and brown eyes. Odie, Oded. The thoughts flittered through her brain seconds before she made the connection. Raegan gasped. She jerked her hand out of his grasp and it flew to her mouth. “Oh my god!”

Oded knew the moment she made the connection. Her eyes widened in shock as she gasped and jerked her hand out of his as if it had been burned. Okay, he had expected the shock. He could deal with this. “Raegan, we need to talk.”

Raegan blinked. She heard him say something, but hadn’t a clue to what it might have been. She could only comprehend that Odie was Oded, Oded was Odie! “You are Odie?” She already knew the answer, but she had to ask, she had to hear it from him.

Oded seemed to hesitate, then finally he nodded. “Raegan, I . . .”

“The entire time?” Raegan demanded, still slightly confused. “From the very beginning?” Her heart was doing triple time in her chest and she found it hard to talk and breath at the same time.

“Yes. I did it only to . . .” Oded began, but Raegan interrupted him again.

“Even when we. . . when I . . .” Raegan blinked rapidly as she tried to get her scattered thoughts under control. “That was you I was chatting with on Friday and yesterday?”

Oded didn’t want to answer, because he knew she was going to have a problem with this. But he was done lying to her. “Yes, it was me,” he answered softly.

Oded watched as a blush rose up her neck. It moved up across her cheeks and disappeared underneath her hair. “Oh my god,” she whispered again. “Oh my god.” Raegan began to look around her. She was looking for a place to escape to, to get away from this man whom she’d confided in, thinking he was a woman.

“Raegan, please listen to me.” Oded reached for her, his fingers curling gently around her wrist.

Her head whipped around as she jerked her wrist from his grasp. Her eyes flashed angrily, surprising him, causing him to take a step back. “Don’t touch me!” she hissed. “I trusted you! I confided in you and you. . .” Her breath hitched in her throat as she swallowed a sob that rose up suddenly. “Oh God! I can’t do this. I have to leave.”

Raegan moved suddenly, pushing past him. Oded was so surprised at her anger that he couldn’t react at first. He simply stared at her, dumbfounded, as she hurried past him and ran toward the parking lot. He had expected the shock. He had even expected the embarrassment, but never in his wildest dreams did he think she would be angry with him. But now that he thought about it, it made sense. If he were in her place, he would be quite pissed himself. He needed to explain to her why he did what he did. That shook him from his frozen stance and caused him to move. He went after her, following her out to the parking lot. Oded caught up with her as she reached her car.

“Raegan, stop.” Oded stopped behind her, catching his breath. He watched as she frantically searched her purse for her keys. She couldn’t seem to find them. “Raegan.” He called her name again a bit more forcibly this time. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to face him.

“No.” She jerked away. Oded’s heart clenched tightly in his chest as he saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. She was still digging in her purse. “Where are my god damn keys?” she cried, her purse slipping from her hands.

Oded’s quick reflexes helped him catch her purse before it hit the ground. He heard her keys jingling in the bottom and he reached in to retrieve them for her. His heart ached. He felt miserable. If he could only explain to her why he had done what he did, that he had posted under the alias to meet her, then she would understand. “Raegan please let me explain,” he pleaded softly as she grabbed her purse and her keys from his outstretched hands.

“I have nothing to say to you. Leave me alone!” she snapped and spun back to her car. Her hands shook so bad that she couldn’t get the key into the door lock. The tears that flooded her eyes kept her from seeing clearly. What else could possibly go wrong? she wanted to scream.

Oded curled his long fingers around her hand to steady it so that the key slid easily into the door lock and turned, unlocking her car door. He felt a sob wrack her slender body and before he could stop to think, his arms closed around her, engulfing her in his warmth. Raegan allowed him to turn her, to wrap his arms around her. She was too weary to fight him and to tell the truth, it felt wonderful. She heard his heavy sigh as his face nuzzled her hair, his hand holding her easily to him, the other stroking her back. Raegan rested her cheek against his shoulder, her hands flat against his chest. She could feel the steady beat of his heart beneath the palm of her hand that rested lightly over his heart. “Raegan,” Oded began.

She pushed away from him. “No,” she said suddenly. “I can’t do this right now, Oded. I can’t deal with this right now.” She looked up into his eyes and saw the fear, the concern and the guilt of what he had done. But right now, it wasn’t enough. “You betrayed me, Oded. I trusted you and you lied to me. You lied to all of us!”

“I know I did. It’s not how I meant for this to happen. You don’t know how sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you. I certainly never meant to make you feel betrayed. Raegan, please, can’t we talk about this?” He watched as she shook her head and turned away from him to open her car door.

“I can’t do this right now, Oded. I can’t get past the fact that you lied to me. That I trusted you with personal . . .” Her voice trailed off as she leaned her head against the roof of her Nissan Maxima. “Oh god, I can’t believe I told you all that stuff about Billy.” Then memories of all the things said during the chats about Oded and he had been right there reading it. She blushed again as her head came up. “Oh god, no! No, no, no! I can’t do this!”

Oded watched helplessly as Raegan climbed into her car and shut the door. He felt like crying himself right now. He felt numb and had that feeling of being separated from himself. He stepped back as she backed her car out of the parking space and without a look, drove away. He had never felt so miserable in his life. He finally found someone special and he screwed it up. Slowly he made his way over to his own car. He unlocked the door and climbed in. If only he could have explained himself. If only she would listen.

“God damn it!” he growled and slammed his fist on the dashboard. He wasn’t angry with Raegan. She had every right to be pissed at him. He was angry with himself for handling the whole situation so badly. Oded put his sunglasses on and started his car. As he pulled out of the parking lot, he decided he would give Raegan a few days, then he would try to talk to her again. He had to get through to her. He had to. She had come to mean too much to him and he couldn’t risk losing her. Not now, not now that he knew how easily he could fall in love with her.

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                                                          What If - Chapters 9 - 10